Jan
18

Goldie Hawn Is 71


It’s a beautiful thing to watch an elderly person age gracefully. To watch them embrace life and live every day with a zeal and a positive attitude. It’s quite another thing to do that while not wearing a bra and having your breasts hang so low they are in danger from getting ant bites. But The Mayor is going to give Goldie Hawn a break, he’s not going to rip into her. On the contrary. The Mayor is just going to thank Goldie for being Goldie and wish her the bestest best. Thank you for being you, Goldie.

But seriously though, throw those things over yer shoulder and put on a smock or something.

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Jan
17

A victim’s perspective


I am an activist. My culture celebrates an agrarian utopia described in the poetry of Jeff Davis. As an activist, how do we seek out jouissance today?

Left-activism did not win the election for H.Clinton. Before the election, this failed movement (a dead end attempt to address the National Depression suffered by its cadre) allowed the alt-right seize control of sufficient state legislatures to push through their own gerrymandering program that neutralized the leftist never-citizen and never-worker voting blocs.

Another fatal misstep for left activism was their bungling reaction to the technolibertines of Gamergate and the eroticized dickwolves of MGTOW. These reactionary movements were allowed to form. Their mere existence was a mistake, a sign of weakness.

The lower rungs of left activism are filled with diversity, but no brains. Indeed, while the leadership cadre of Gamergate and MGTOW are raised up through trial of ability, the leadership of the left is driven by infantile display: weepy, whiny, and diaper flags displays of virture. By inspection, a rational observer can observe repeated failure, incompetence, and avarice. Only the Stalinist opportunists moving among the money trees in this (once unimportant) front have managed to keep the leftist effort in some sort of tatters.

After failing to kill Gamergate and MGTOW in the crib, the bunglers allowed it to grow through failure to master their own technology. These bunglers are incompetent at their core, and, one suspects, only mouth partisan beliefs through mimicry, like a monkey doing rap steps. Do they even have soul sufficient (and necessary) to comprehend Hegelian dialectic?

The Patriarchy has Mobilized! Admittedly, this is a mobilization as therapy to address the agony of National Depression. Regardless, the powerful Invisible Hand of the Market catalyses their development of anti-Thesis to left Thesis; and the Invisible Hand of the Market inspires their leadership to formulation of upwardly spiraling Synthesis. The leftists are left behind, embracing the tired issues of abortion and fag marriage. Attempting to solve problems using yesterdays marketing campaign. Boring. More repellent than banal, lacking the wit for evil.

The leftist media, the materialist, Stalinist re-bar of the eroded structure call for infiltration of the Conservative party of Canada in order to thwart Kellie Leitch. Grandpa’s tactics. Something to inspire you to put your teeth in in the morning. The progressive leadership is a third generation Stalinist gentry that has bred out competence. Stalin is dead. They have no Stalin. They rain imperceptible discourtesies upon the proletariate, the bourgeois, the everyone who is not ‘the them’. Incompetent, they cannot tell good ideas from bad; being stupid, stupid enabling, and stupid accepting, their psyches are incapable of representing conflict. Their slightest action excites oppositional forces, to which I sympathize. This is good.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

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Jan
17

For those of you that thought the person in the picture was Justin Verlander – ace pitcher of the Detroit Tiger’s – you’re wrong.

For those of you that thought the person in the picture was Squidward from Sponge Bob Square Pants, you’re closer, but you are still wrong.

For those of you that got freaked out because you thought you were witnessing the beginning of a zombie apocalypse, you are also wrong, but nearing the mark.

It’s Larry King. And yes, it/him is still alive.

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Jan
17

Most Likely Trump’s Fault


Just two and a half months after opening, high-profile restaurant, Shaw Bijou, has closed its doors:

Longtime friends Kwame Onwuachi and Greg Vakiner opened The Shaw Bijou in November after spending nearly 18 months building the concept.

The experience was like no other in D.C. The tasting menu consisted of roughly 13 courses and cost diners upward of $300 a person. Depending on drinks and wine pairings, the tab could end up around $1,000 a couple.

The hell you say?

The Mayor supposes that at $1000, some couples might – and he stresses the word *might* – NOT be able to pay that much for a darn good meal. For $1000, The Mayor confirms that vegetables and a dessert were included. Gratuity will run you several hundred more, of course, but where can you go in this day and age and have a meal for less than a few hundred thousand?

While The Mayor isn’t one to spend a cool g-note on some slop some foreigner with a funny name cooked up, he does like to be a pretentious asshole just like the patrons that ate at Shaw Bijou. The difference is The Mayor likes to pretend he’s pretentious because it makes him feel like a big man and he gets giggles and gawfaws when he does.

For instance, if you want to be a food snob but don’t feel like spending $1000, have your wife strap your food plate on the dogs back and have Duke serve it to you. When Duke arrives with a plate of food strapped to his back, tell him the food is garbage and kick him in the ribs. The dog won’t enjoy it much, but it will prove to those you love what an ignorant and pretentious asshole you really are. Just like those liberal maggots who wasted their money at that craphole restaurant in DC.

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Jan
16

Victory Coffee


I think this stands on its own feet.

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Jan
16

The Vocation of Drudgery


The vocation of drudgery begins on the morning commute on public transit. Only people who work and transit in Toronto are so blessed. The unwashed, dung encrusted Scum-Canadians who crawl out their worm existences beyond the bright light of spirit that is Toronto can but gurgle out their one hope in life: to move to Toronto, there to complete their social duty as taxpayer and Liberal voter.

The morning commute. It begins.

The guy beside you. He squirms. Does he have bedbugs? The city is doing its best. They must be. Their friends in the media never report on bedbugs.

He is squirming again. That guy. Squirming like bedbugs are crawling over his scrotum. Does he know he has bedbugs? You never scratch yourself there in public. He does not want anyone to know. He looked around to see if anyone on the crowded subway car could see him try to scratch off the bedbugs crawling on his scrotum. There is a social stigma associated with bedbugs. There is a social stigma associated with rubbing your genitals in public, too. But bedbugs do not have a float in the parade, now do they? The dominant racist patriarchy does not like bedbugs.

Stop squirming! You close your eyes. Eye contact is bad on public transit. Eye contact is rape. It is 2017. It is cold on the subway. The subway driver forgot to turn on the heat. Maybe he has bedbugs. Maybe he has bedbugs, bad. He sits for hours in a seat. Many people with bedbugs sit close to him. They like to crawl, bedbugs. It is their culture.


The squirming again.
The skin crawling bedbugs, they like warmth. It is warmer in the crack of the ass. Bedbugs do not need air to breathe. Not like people. No air in the squirming mans ass crack, but it is warm. No heat in the subway, yet. Cold keeps them from crawling too far. The driver sure know his bedbugs. He squirms too. And he can scratch his privates in his private drivers booth.

The squirming guy! Stop squirming. You open your eyes, only looking down, at shoes, boots, and sandals. Who wears sandals in winter? Do not look up! Look down. There is a black speck on the foot of the person wearing sandals in winter. Is that a bedbug? Small bedbugs are tiny. They crawl slow; slower in the cold.

It is your stop. Stand up, do not look. No eye contact. Go to work.

The Vocation of Drudgery.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

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Jan
11

Not Tired Of Winning Yet


Today was one of those days that The Mayor will have etched in his minds for decades to come (until black death consumes his mortal flesh.) There have been too few of these amazing days in the last 24 or so years, but when they do come The Mayor savours them by lifting a double rye and ginger and feasts on the carcass of some dead animal.

CNN BTFO, Buzzfeed (who/whatever that is) BTFO, lugenpresse BTFO. Neocon scum BTFO.

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Jan
10

You Say Potato


The Mayor checked his records today and found out it has been exactly 2 whole days since an Amy Schumer post went up. That’s far too long.

Some folks are probably thinking that The Mayor must have a crush on Amy Schumer because of all the posts he puts up about her. Kind of like in grade school when you would throw rocks at the girl you actually really liked. Maybe that’s what it is. The Mayor would suggest to you that most of that is correct, except the part about throwing rocks at Amy because The Mayor likes her. The Mayor is actually throwing rocks at Schumer because he believes she deserves to be pelted by rocks. Like the way homosexuals are recipients of Islamic rocks. That kind of way.

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Jan
10

Victory Coffee


Teamwork, workers, teamwork.

Get to work. Do the work of the members of your team who are diversity hires. Teamwork. Earn money to pay the taxes to support the never workers. Get called bad names by the elites for existing. That is your part of the team effort, worker scum.

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Jan
9

Trying to rob a gun store and thinking there wouldn’t be any repercussions?

An early candidate for the 2017 Darwin Awards.

***Video has been taken down due to extreme reality. Instead of receiving one of them thar Pulitzer prizes, The Mayor has received nothing but ridicule. If he wasn’t rich and soft on the eyes, The Mayor might actually be upset.

Seeing as though the video was pulled, let The Mayor walk you through what happened:
African American (although The Mayor thinks they were black) walks in to a gun shop brandishing weapons in an apparent (not so apparent, actually) robbery. 4 seconds into video, gun shop owner picks up gun and shoots dindu dead.

Ta Da!

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Jan
9

Victory Coffee


Monday morning, you workers. This tune is very Monday morning.

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Jan
8

A Poo Load Of Condolences


While there would be many people who would say Mitchieville has turned into little more than a hate-filled dumping ground centered around Amy Schumer and Carrie Fisher, The Mayor vehemently disagrees. Mitchieville is also a hate-filled dumping ground against immigration, liberalism, multiculturalism, cuckservatism, egalitarianism, and anything Hollywood (redundant.)

Funny though, when put in those terms, it seems Mitchieville is a pretty cool place.

Hate on, muh brutha’s and sista’s!

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