A while back I posted a YouTube vid regarding awareness. It was the Basketball Awareness Test and it was pretty great.

Well, Martin Utley who works on behalf of Transport For London, was kind enough to send me a few more Awareness Tests. Martin was also nice enough to send me a bus pass, and a coupon for 10% off fish & chips at Simon’s Fish House & Chip Emporium in downtown London. Those British folk sure are swell. As they say in London, “throw another shrimp on the barbie!”

Tuberculosis - get some! I seem to have hit the jack pot when I told the caring street nurse (who just seems to come to the inside shelter and never outside in the cold of the street) about some chest pains. I also had a cough, but that was from the better cigarettes I an now able to smoke. When I had a job, a house, a car, and vacations and control over the television channel, I had to smoke cheap smokes. Well, now that I have plenty of disposable income from pan handling, I get to smoke premium tobacco! So I cough. And I coughed around the street nurse who never goes out on the street. I told her I had chest pains, too. I did not want her to feel that I had nothing for her to feel white guilty about, I am homeless after all. So thats when I learnt about the tuberculosis jack pot!

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According to Italian Finance Minister, Giulio Tremonti, Pope Benedict, (who works part time as a mall Santa) actually prophecized the current financial global meltdown in a paper he wrote nearly 25 years ago:

“The prediction that an undisciplined economy would collapse by its own rules can be found” in an article written by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who became pope in April 2005, Tremonti said yesterday at Milan’s Cattolica University.

That’s not exactly Kreskinesque now, is it? I’m not even sure he predicted anything. From what I gather, he said an undisciplined economy can collapse by its own rules. It’s a bit of a stretch to extrapolate that Pope Rat actually predicted the current global recession from those words he wrote 25 years ago. If that’s what predictions have down to, then I’m Sargon the Magnificent. Hey, here’s a prediction, I’m going to go upstairs in about 6 minutes and pour myself another rye and ginger. My God, you should really burn me at the stake, I’m a freakin’ witch! Here’s another prediction, in 25 seconds I’m going to go pee. “Stop it Mayor, you’re freaking’ us out!!!”

I predict the article will be here…voila!

Latest by Chris: Doesn't an undisciplined economy, by definition, lack rules? MORE

Madonna was at a UNICEF benefit last night, showing off the latest in grassy knoll fashion. I’m sure Alex Rodriguez has to mow and de-weed her every night now. What was she thinking when she chose that? “Hmmmm, this piece of sod would look good draped over my skelator body. Alex, get me the weed-whacker and my gold belt!!” At this point, the best thing for everyone is if someone threw Madonna back into the swamp from whence she came.

Latest by Chris: Is this from the "Mumm-Ra the Ever Living Goes Green" episode of Thundercats? MORE

There’s something to be said for leaving things to your imagination. For instance, from where you’re sitting, the only thing that could make this girl better is if her belly button was full of chip dip, or rye. But what if you were allowed to scroll up, and what you find is your auntie Hazel’s head on this fine body? You’d be freakin’ shattered, wouldn’t you? Sure you would. No offense, but your Auntie Hazel is a cyborg. So let’s just leave this picture to our imagination and just go along with the thought that this chick has nerples you could hang a lab coat on, and a belly button full of booze or high caloric chip dippings.

And I took this picture directly from Steamboat’s site

Latest by Two Dogs: Wow, Pamela Gellar is getting more and more risque', huh? MORE

Of course you would. With an extra $25.00 to your name, you can take your favourite gal/guy out for some delicious felafel’s. Yum yum felafel’s.

Two Dogs has a pretty neat and interesting, but mostly neat, contest running until next Wednesday. All you have to do is tell him your favourite website and a few other things, like  your PIN# and your moms home phone #    why you dig said site so much, and he, along with a *friend* will decide by next Wednesday whether you are a winner or whether you are not so much of a winner (a loser, actually).

Go have some fun with Two Dogs and crew, and remember to drink responsibly. Now get out of here, you bunch of crazy kids!

Latest by The Mayor: People are spoiled by the economic boom we're having, no doubt about it. So, if I say Mitchieville is thebest ... MORE

Have you voted for your favourite sons and daughters of pigs and monkeys in the first annual Infidel Blogging Awards yet? Why in Allah’s name not? Unlike voting in Federal and Provincial elections, voting in the Infidel Awards actually means something.

Although I could easily have voted for every site named in any of the categories, I voted for DINO as most likely to face a Section 13(1) complaint, again in the Fave Male Infidel, again in the Most Insulting to the Prophet Blog Post, and Five Feet in the fave Gal Infidel. Then I went on my other computer and voted again, this time though, I changed my vote in the Fave Male Infidel to Darcey at the Broom because I love him as much as I love DINO. And yes, I mean that in a completely gay way. Iyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi.

Now click this link right here for something completely different

So, yesterday we were pondering the implications of designer vaginas. A bit weird maybe, but one can at least wrap one’s mind around the idea (so to speak). But now we have some huge guy wallowing in his sexy so much that he wants to have people buy calendars of his girth to admire it in erotic awe: Read the rest of this entry »

Latest by The Mayor: I hear you, dmorris. I had to shave my eyeballs with a Mach 5 to get that image out of ... MORE

Peel & Stick Light Fixtures

Sorry, but they’re not on the horizon. Unless you use a battery or some sort of broadcast power system, then wires and generators, and everything in between are inevitable.

Really, we are spoiled here in North America. The lights work, 24/7, 52 weeks a year, all across the continent. It takes a major malfunction to cause the lights to go out for long, or over a large area.

North Americans and Europeans use electricity for industry, food processing and preservation, transportation, and lighting. Without a moments thought. The professionals who make it happen are so good, we forget that they are there.

If we build a new house, we assume that we can hook up and turn on. If we build a new factory, we expect that the power to run it will be available.

This isn’t inevitable. There is no natural law.

And an electrical system is different from other kinds of supply system.

Water pipes can be topped up from water towers and reservoirs if the pumps are down for a while. When there is a break in the Superbowl action, the system can handle the simultaneous flushes, even if the pressure drops a little. Natural gas systems are the same. Fluctuations and changes in volume are no problem.

Within limits, you can’t store electricity. A very large system is more stable and can handle minor variations better, but within tight limits. There is no “ give.”

We must make exactly the right amount of power at exactly the moment we need it, Too much and the magic smoke comes out of your TV. Too little and the system collapses completely, within seconds.

There is a fine balance to maintain. And therein lies the rub.

Solar and wind and tidal only work when the sun shines or the wind blows or the tide is running. They will not serve as base load.

If they are not available, you must have sources available to step in; sources that come on line when needed, as fast as the wind drops. Otherwise, the system collapses completely.

Not like a water system. If the pressure drops for a moment, no-one cares. Well, maybe the guy in the shower, but no big deal.

Electricity is a whole different kettle of fish.

Latest by Sisyphus: "Really, we are spoiled here in North America. The lights work, 24/7, 52 weeks a year, all across the continent. ... MORE

Here in Ontario, the beating heart of Canada, there is an unexpected layer of snow this morning. Global Warming seems to rather silly to all those souls out shovelling. But they are not thinking about the scam that was Global Warming. No, on this morning they are wondering which homeless shelter they will be living in, now that the economy has up and died.

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Holy bummer, Batman! This is from a week ago, but it’s not like the prediction is now out of date (particularly with the DJIA losing nearly 500 pts. today and finishing below 8000 for the first time in five years):

The economy faces a slump deeper than the Great Depression and a growing deficit threatens the credit of the United States itself, former Goldman Sachs chairman John Whitehead, said at the Reuters Global Finance Summit on Wednesday.
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Latest by The Mayor: No dmorris, we are in a different age now. No more donuts for the unemployed, donuts are filled with too ... MORE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7_hERB4wK4

Really, what could be better than a motviational film that depicts the happy future under Industrial Feudalism?

Remember our glorious slogan: Economic Crisis! Martial Law! Mass Arrests! Restore Feudalism!

I thought Fenris and I gave Dmorris a very generous gift for his birthday yesterday. Well, here’s a another gift for you Dmorris–it should help with your hangover.

Latest by Raphael Alexander: Mayor, it's a long long time away. August 21. Leo by a thread... MORE

Welcome to another edition of one of the least participated in, least liked, and least respected posts that I put up on a semi-weekly basis: Welcome to Which Dick Said That?

In a way it’s odd that the smallest Dick, Dick Cavett, is actually the biggest dick of all three Dicks in the Dick gallery. Imagine, for being such a weasley little dick, Dick Cavett is actually a bigger dick that the giant Dick Butkus (the greatest name ever). Dick Cavett is even a bigger dick that the biggest Dick ever produced, Moby Dick.

What a dick.

This segment isn’t about trying to figure out which Dick is the biggest dick, however, it’s about trying to figure out which Dick is attributed to saying this…

(you have to click the *Read the rest of this entry* to find out)

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When Newscastle police spotted a man parked in a no-stopping zone, they thought they saw him doing something with his hands that indicated he might have a weapon. The man did indeed have a weapon in his hand, but not the kind the coppers expected:

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed.

 Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

 The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

 Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

 They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”.

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

This guy is one serious masturbater. As a matter of fact, he’s the kind of guy that takes the cake, and then sticks his cock in it. If they had a Fantasy Masturbater League, just like they have a Fantasy Football league, this guy would be Ladainian Tomlinson. The visual of this is outstanding. He’s got a face full of pepper spray and four officers beating him with clubs, yet he still manages to pull his pud in between the thrashings. I’m not so sure they should have even arrrested him, the guy’s kind of a hero really. As for the Jack Russell? Well that’s just weird.

And it all happened at Nobby beach. Go figure.

NEXT–Meg Ryan and Her Stomach Breasts

ALSO–Paul Krugman-Fucking Idiot

Latest by dmorris: "A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier." I suspect the ... MORE

Last week, the British Government accepted an amendment to an education bill, giving children as young as five the legal right to tell teachers how they should be taught and disciplined for bad behaviour. Pupils will be handed an unprecedented say in the running of their schools - from the uniforms they wear to the meals they eat:

In the House of Lords, Children’s Minister Baroness Morgan said: ‘As a minimum, schools should seek and take account of pupils’ views on policies on the delivery of the curriculum, behaviour, the uniform, school food, health and safety, equalities and sustainability, not simply on what colour to paint the walls.’

Ministers have already issued guidance to schools saying pupils can have a role in recruiting staff and observe lessons to give feedback on how well they believe they are being taught.

Schools run by children? I can see nothing wrong with this whatsoever.

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Latest by dmorris: But, just think, no more "dropouts", no failing exams! Hopefully the Department of National Defence will see the benefits of this, ... MORE