Apr
13

From the Desk of the DarkLord


I have been told that my style and method of writing can be improved. This will require some study, practice, and effort. Do I care? What does it mean to you if I tell you to ‘jump’. Hmmmm. Self improvement and the lifelong commitment to learning are values I cherish. Blah blah blah.

What motivates my surface workers to move more gravel and crushed stone more efficiently? I want them to have pride in their work, and the good things in life that this planet with a breathable atmosphere has to offer. Breathable air is nice. A few beer, some roast meats, a warm, bed bug free sleeping space. This is what I want for my workers in the bulk aggregate industry.

I, Fenris Badwulf, copied this from an e-mail.

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Apr
8

From the Desk of the DarkLord


New Business. Everybody wants new business. They have old business. They have old business down pat. They want new combinations. New customers. New customers to buy old product. New products to sell to old customers. Then it hits them: New products to New Customers. New products to sell to new customers.

What new products can we sell? Who the heck would buy it? The answers always works it way to Weapons. Armaments. Drone components. Then you get to the part of the contract that talks about developing relationship with factions likely to become influential in a Industrial Feudalist type of post Oil economy. Who will be your dark, reptilian master? Whoever this turns out to be, let me assure you that they want bulk haulage of aggregates, gravels, sands, and rocks. Cheap, and lots of it. Trucks, roads, workers, and facilities. That means coffee and hookers. Beer and polish sausage, by the five gallon pail.

I, Fenris Badwulf, copied this from an e-mail. I cared enough to do that.

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Apr
5

The Magic Donkey


The Magic Donkey is a store that caters to the Dungeons and Dragons market in Mitchieville. You can get your troll figurines, books of spells, and Game of Thrones t-shirts there. They have a no smoking sign out front. Smoking is a social plague for which many layers of government will fight by shoveling money at most anybody who fills in the right forms. The money flows, and there is no effect on smoking.

The social plague of smoking sits upon the fevered minds of the progressives like dog turds in a park. Did you know that smoking is considered a fetish by some people? When will these people get organized and get recognized as a member of the deviant sexual practices community? LGBT blah blah blah. There should be a S in there, for smoking fetish.

Remember the Vagina Monologues? When you were in university learning socialist theory in math class? Well, the new deviants on the block, the trans deviants, they got it denounced. Neat, eh? Well, it is time to join the rainbow parade and spark up a smoke. Time to embrace diversity, and they better embrace your diversity. Remember when women (back when women had vaginas) were not allowed to smoke? Well, by smoking you are raising awareness of that glorious struggle. Your inner feminist (even if you have a penis) is shouting out for liberation from the patriarchy. Spark up that smoke when you are in a bar, restaurant, or asthma clinic. Progressives are, well, stupid. At least the cadre at Mount Holyoke College are. After a lifetime of listening to their bitchy whining, it is time to be bitchy too. I want a handout with that hand job.

And what of the Magic Donkey? In the back, if you read the notice board, you will see a message board for the pony play community. There is something so progressive, so liberating, about a woman (with vagina) being trussed up in a leather harness, gagged, and prodded with a whip to pull around some guy (with a penis). You can just slurp up the white guilt with this aspect of the rainbow of diversity. All very normal, and if you say otherwise, you will get hated. Who wants to be hated? So come on down to The Magic Donkey, and celebrate the rationalized pleasures of the gay mafia. You can read some ‘about to be kicked off the reservation’ postings by soon to be oppressed activists. Ah, how the wheel turns.

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Apr
3


Easter is upon us. Easter is a time when hate filled white racists worship their god of hate, eat unhealthy food, and persecute minorities. The newspapers do not even report on the widespread practices of witch burning, queer bashing, and trans-fat gobbling. The newspapers and television stations live in fear of Christians and only report news that makes them look good. Canada is a police state, with slavery, oppression, and poor food choices. Canada is a racist shit hole.

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From our keyboards to your eyes, from our fingers to your ears, and from our hearts to your heart, have a great Good Friday and a happy new year.

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Apr
3

The Clock Watcher


Gosh darn, how long until this scandal is blamed on racism?

Start your timers. Circle the date on the calendar. Watch the clock.

Heck. When is some stoner progressive going to clean up the wikipedia article?

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Apr
1

The Legacy of Colonialism in Africa


I nearly vomited when I was made aware of the ongoing apartheid, oppression, and general bullying going on in the on going persecution of Skunk-Canadians.

Thanks be to Set, the Snake God that there are good people who are righting the wrongs of hatred.

Personally, I have modified many of the ‘bird feeders’ in my suburban neighborhood to be skunk friendly. It only takes a few moments in the darkness, armed with a screwdriver, to foot pad over to the neighbors and disable the racist infrastructure of ‘bird feeders’ so that they are now welcoming to skunks, raccoons, and squirrels. All of the creatures of Gaia deserve a handout. And it takes weeks, months, years, for the neighbors to figure out that their exclusionist animal feeder now celebrates diversity. Also, this gives you something to do on your nightly trips out into the darkness. Why just stare in windows at people?

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

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42 dead in China, 1700 injured, this bastard hornet is going to kill every last human being on earth:

In person, the Asian giant hornet, which is the largest hornet species in the world, looks like “the wasp analog of a pit bull” with “a face that looks like you just can’t reason with it,” said Christopher K. Starr, professor of entomology at University of West Indies in Trinidad & Tobago.

And they’re big. The giant hornet extends about 3.5 to 3.9 centimeters in length (1.4 to 1.5 inches), roughly the size of a human thumb, and it has black tooth used for burrowing, according to an animal database at the University of Michigan. The queens are even bigger, with bodies that can grow longer than 5 centimeters (2 inches).

The species feed their young the larvae of other insects and use their mandibles to sever the limbs and heads of their prey.

The giant hornets are attracted to human sweat, alcohol and sweet flavors and smells. They are especially sensitive to when animals or people run, according to Xinhua.

If these beasts are attracted to sweat and booze stank, it’s just a matter of time before they kill The Mayor. There’s a good chance they are on their way to Mitchieville as The Mayor types this. They are attracted to booze stank and sweat, and probably also attracted to guys that like to piss outdoors. That’s the trifecta of death as far as The Mayor is concerned.

The Mayor is deathly afraid of bees and hornets, but strangely enough, he had a girlfriend in high school who had the name Anna Falactic. Crazy, eh? Even stranger than that, she use to refer to her vagina as her *honey pot*. Nothing could be further from the truth though, it was more like a hornets nest.

Reading further into the article, The Mayor sees that the chances of these bad bastards crossing the oceans and landing in North America are somewhere between slim and absolutely not. While that’s a good thing obviously, the bad thing is The Mayor knows now that he will never be able to buy his dream house in Xi’ning.

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Mar
31

Y’all got a cigarette?


What she lacks in manners she makes up for in beauty.

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Mar
27

Obesity Is Hurting The Economy


Obesity is hurting the what? I can’t hear you, I have a cheeseburger in my ear. Scientists, experts, and other assorted malcontents have published research putting a dollar figure on how much obesity is costing the US economy. Here’s a hint – it’s a lot.

Widespread obesity raised medical-care costs by $315.8 billion in 2010, according to John Cawley, an economics professor at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. That amounted to about $3,508 a year for each obese person, the latest available data showed. The expenses, which include doctors’ appointments, hospital stays, prescription drugs and home health care, were up 48 percent from 2005’s $213 billion after adjusting for inflation, the researchers found.

$3508 will buy you a lot of chocolate covered pretzels. Never mind the article though, it’s not telling you anything you don’t know. The only thing you need to know is what The Mayor is about to tell you: How do I lose weight? Forget what the “experts” have to say, forget what that fat pig Oprah has to say, and for the love of everything good, forget what anyone with the first name Phil has to tell you. They are full of shit and should be sent to a concentration camp. To concentrate. Put it this way, look at all the idiots hanging on every word Oprah has to say about dieting. Now look at Oprah closely. Do you see how fucking huge she is? She’s a beast. As for The Mayor? If you are obese, or even if you would like to lose a few pounds, The Mayor has the answer. He’s not shitting you, he knows for what he talks about. He talks about for what he knows. He knows talks about for what.

Any time you see a magazine that promises an easy way to lose 20 pounds, or any article that uses the words *easy* or *simple* in relation to a diet, well, dispose of that information immediately because it’s full of shit. Losing weight is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life. Losing weight takes dedication, discipline, and is torture. And unless you’re truly serious about losing weight, you won’t.

Having said that, there are better ways to lose weight than what you are currently being told. And seriously, The Mayor does know this from first hand experience.

This post will have to be broken up into 73 mini-posts because there is too much to share in just one go-around. But to start you off, The Mayor will tell you the most effective way to start losing weight, but hang on to your ball/gully sac because it’s nearly impossible to do.

Stop eating flour and cut waaaaaaaay down on your starches.

Ta da.

Flour is death and so are starches. They are in every bread, cookie, cracker, cereal (nearly all), beer, processed food, you name it. Flour and starches are evil and are killing us. That’s a fact. Go Google-up the book Wheat Belly and read the hell out of it, it will change your life.

How can you cut out bread, you ask? And crackers? Cereal? Is The Mayor mad?

Yes, mad about your health, you cheeky little bastard.

The Mayor was never obese, or really even fat in his lifetime. He had a few extra pounds but nothing severe. About a year ago though The Mayor started experiencing stomach problems, to the point where he thought he had cancer and was going to push up daisies. Tests were done, drugs were prescribed, fingers got shoved up bums, all sorts of things happened that make The Mayor sad…and happy.

After all was said and done, the doctors didn’t find squat (except when they fingered The Mayor’s bum and found a small colony of Mexican migrant workers). Fast forward six months later (now we’re looking at 9 months of brutal stomach pain), and The Mayor read the book Wheat Belly, took its recommendations, and within 1 week his stomach problems vanished. No more doubling over after having a bowl of Alpha Bits. No more sleeping 16 hours a day. No more crapping 3 seconds after eating (funny at dinner parties though), and no more feeling the pain similar to what it would be like having a German Sheppard puppy living in your bowels.

Mind you, gluten is The Mayor’s problem, but The Mayor also noticed that he was starting to shed weight. Like 20 pounds in 3 months. After talking to a half-dozen or so non-glutener’s, he found they all had the same story – and that story included losing massive amounts of weight.

The Mayor is going to end this portion of the show right here. It will give you a chance to get up, go to the kitchen and grab some chicks, chocolate, and a bowl of ice cream

More to come, betcha can’t wait!

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Mar
27

Whoever said that Chinese women don’t age gracefully obviously hasn’t seen this year’s Chinese Year of the Goat poster girl. If there’s anything hotter than a chick with a horn, no teeth, and hands so large that it would feel like you’re getting a handjob from Corey Perry of the Anaheim Ducks while he wears hockey gloves, well then, The Mayor hasn’t seen it/her.

Don’t change a thing horn-woman, keep on being China proud.

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Mar
27

Victory Coffee


Not too long ago, whores and prostitutes were ‘bad’ in the feminist play book. Now, in keeping with sharia doctrine, all women are whores, and will stoop to prostitution unless wearing a potato sack. So, put your mind to the creation and management of a Love House franchise. You can love there, you can go there for love, or you can be a love manager. You can figure out how to divide up the white guilt.

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