Welcome to another edition of Yahoo Ads Interpreted.

I will take an actual Yahoo Personal Ad and interpret the hell out of it. As my father use to say when he was in the land of the living, “Son, believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.” Truer words, dad…

My wants and needs are distinguished. “I have never seen a Hurst with a trailer hitch”!!! I live each day to its fullest so I know I’ve lived a fulfilled life. I know it’s important to have the things that make you happy and I strive each day productively to achieve those things.The most incredible thing is find someone to cherish those things together. Walking this life together not in front or behind each other but, side by side each other as a team (as I know there is no “I” in team)!!I will never steal, cheat or lie!!! However, . I will always evaluate every situation and apply it to what I have already learned and never make the same mistake twice!!!I want to find that special Man that I can love, trust, be caring, compassionate and romantic with. Someone who will treat me the way I treat Him. Be the answer to someone’s prayers and to care for that person any place or anytime. A love that I can’t live without!!!I wear my heart on my sleeve and will never cover it up no matter how many times it may hang there broken. I always walk through life by faith/hope and not by sight!!!!SORRY MY MAIL IS MEEK..I wasn’t sure how to elaborate about myself I envisioned myself opening hundreds of email from Man who think i’m their catch. I am picky about who I open myself up to. I have a good feeling about you!!! , upon your request and respond to you how ever often you like.Hmmmm I guess enough is being said about me.Thats all what I can say for now and I will be Looking to hear back from you so I can answer the Questions I ask from you in return… I cant wait to hear back from you and Knows where this will lead to…. Thank you and have a Nice Moment…

And here is that ad interpreted…

I use so many cliches that after five minutes of meeting me, you’ll want to shove your face into a pit of vipers. I tend to write my Yahoo Personal profiles after I’ve consumed a quart of Valu-Rite vodka and snorted a half pound of melted down blue Crayola crayons. I am so bloody annoying and yappy that I even get sick of myself. I have no hobbies, YOU will become my hobby. I hope you like phone calls because I am going to phone you 500 times a day. Go check your phone, there’s already 60 messages on it and we haven’t even met yet. Do you think you can avoid my calls? Think again, if you don’t pick up the phone on the first ring I will call all your friends, family, co-workers, Minister, ex-girlfriends, whatever it takes, you will NOT escape me. I will MAKE you love me. I tend to capitalize all The wrong words and fail to capitalize words That should be capitalized. I love the word Capitalize. I have no feeling in my tongue and my socks smell like raw sewage. I dress like a gypsy and I don’t have a middle initial to my name. I have no religious affiliation because the God of every religion hates me. I have dirt between my fingernails and I don’t use cutlery when I eat a hot meal. I wear over-sized shirts with Tweety Bird and Winnie the Pooh on them and can honestly say that I have never read a book. Call me, or else…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 at 6:36 pm and is filed under Yahoo Personals Interpreted. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.