If you guys intend on boarding the nookie train for a trip down the tracks to Pleasure City, you best be grabbing a mop or a dish rag (Rosanne Barr’s face doesn’t count), because a new study has shown that women are sexually attracted to men that do various chores:

A new study, believed to be the first to examine the connection between housework and sex, has found that spending more hours on household chores is linked to more frequent sex for married couples. The finding surprised even the researchers.

The researchers expected men would benefit from this housework-sex connection because wives tend to do twice as much housework as their husbands and may be motivated to engage in “thank-you sex” if their partners pitched in, she says. Instead, they found the effect applies equally to both genders.

The findings of this study surprise The Mayor. Mostly because I think of some of the household chores I do but never seem to get *chore sex* credit for. For instance, the other day our toilet overflowed. There was something trapped in the back of the bowl and I had to reach my arm down the hole and root around until I could find the cause of the blockage. About 20 into this ordeal I pulled out an old diaper. I knew it was an old diaper because when I was pulling it up out of the bowl it opened and splashed everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Yes, The Mayor was covered in baby crap.

I walked down to the kitchen, but instead of ravishing me, TLDG nearly vomited. She told me to get the hell out of the kitchen, it seemed she was disgusted at the sight of me. How could this be? Wasn’t I engaged in housework?

Before I jumped in the shower I looked at myself in the mirror. The baby gunk was glistening off my abs, I had smell lines like what you’d see in comic books wafting from my triceps, and yet TLDG couldn’t translate that into making sexy with the large bald smelly man commonly known as The Mayor.

Or maybe it’s the kind of chore that gets the sex. Perhaps today’s women don’t get turned on by the thought of their man coming inside out of the cold after chopping a cord of wood –  his muscles rippling, the sweat dripping off his brow. Maybe today’s women get more turned on by Svend the IT Team Player – he who strapps on a dish dress and puts on rubber gloves so his fragile hands won’t get water raw.

Well you know what? Homey don’t play dat.

I am not Svend the Dish Washing IT Team Playing girlie man who gets sex 1.6 times a week, I am Sir Manly Power, the wood choppin’ sweaty bastard that, if he wants sex, just had to drop trow and his wife is more than happy to service him. Twice. Three times on his birth week.

Besides, it’s not the chores that get the sex, it’s the free time because of getting all the household crap done that gets the sex. It’s all math, baby. If your sweetheart is working until 10 at night on household chores, by the time she gets to bed she’s too tired to fool around and you’ll probably be asleep anyway. If you help her with the chores and you’re both looking for something to do at at 7 pm, chances are you’ll do each other at 7 pm. Just don’t cover yourself in baby feces first. You’re going to have to trust The Mayor on that one.

Thanks to Dmorris for sending The Mayor this article. His reward will be given to him in heaven.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 23rd, 2009 at 9:59 am and is filed under Canadiana, RESEARCH, Studies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.