Horoscope for the week of January 17, 2009
Neptune will continue to make things to his liking, and that earthquake in Haiti will be considered the disaster that keeps on giving. It will also act to distract the people from other issues, and put focus on issues that the aristocrats would rather not have attention. Such is Neptune. Otherwise, the sun leaves Capricorn this week, so expect some sudden development on Thursday.
Aries: Ah, those darn telemarketers. You will get several annoying calls this week. Just pretend to not be yourself. And your vehicle needs some preventative maintenance.
Taurus: Too much fun for you? Never. Just accept the fact that you are a sex god. And you too shall be tormented by telemarketers, too. You will break a shoe lace.
Gemini: You will be in communication with some truly powerful and rather scary personages this week. Take heed to not read anything that you are not supposed to read. It is a loyalty test.
Cancer: You should never run out of paprika, but you will. A poltergeist will visit the neighbors. You will be opposed by a powerful entity, but only while traveling. Just shrug and move on. Let someone else get eaten.
Leo: If you have not already finalized your plans to poison the boss, maybe you should. Avoid drinking from any container that you are not personally confident has been cleaned.
Virgo: Good fortune will attend your best efforts, but only you know what that is. A co-worker will go insane. There is nothing like total victory. You will find a missing sock.
Libra: You are ahead of the pack, yet again. Style wise, you will scoop some bargains. This would be a good week to read the bosses e-mail. Avoid that variety store that short changed you.
Scorpio: New opportunities arise from the smouldering ashes. You will have a gift for turning a bad situation to your advantage. Carry a silver amulet if you can.
Sagittarius: Sitting around this week, you will make some fascinating discoveries. So, take yourself to a library or database and prepare to be enlightened. Take a scenic detour on your regular commute.
Capricorn: Add drudgery to your list of exceptional skills. Pluto is going to give you a great opportunity this week. Relax aggressively on Friday. Carry a spare pen. The person who borrows it should be watched.
Aquarius: As you watch the death throes of the obsolete and the inefficient, ponder on the greater issues of this age. You will be a passive observer until Thursday, when you will make an insightful discovery.
Pisces: As you may have suspected, your house cat is really an elevated being living a life of comfort in return for a previous life of grace. You can earn some brownie points by prompt feeding.
