Brampton Hospital raided by Ministry of Labor
BRAMPTON – Ministry of Labor assault troops descended upon the new Brampton Hospital site at Boivard and Bramalea today. Several Helicopters were spotted.
Labor Ministry Spokesman Ulfgrim MacStuart refused to speak to our investigative reporter and seized our video tapes from our camera crew. Lacking any sort of direct information, we asked renowned financial astrologer Sargon the Magnificent what was really going on:
It is really shocking what is going on here! Certain sub-contractors are using inferior quality undead and zombie labor suppliers, unlike those supplied by Sargon and Associates, Toronto’s leading quality, and I emphasize quality, supplier of undead workers.
Most People are unaware of the important work of the Undead Temporary Workers Suppliers and Re-Vivifiers Association (an offshoot of the Alchemical Accounting Association of Central Southern Ontario). The UTWSRA has strict standards for the use and re-use of undead temporary construction workers. Sargon and Associates, in addition to being members of the steering committee of the UTWSRA, also hold the Platinum Shovel Award for Undead Labor Excellence.
Sadly, inferior zombie labor is supplied by cut and run operators who do not select the best candidates for re-vivification, and who do not use Underwriters Laboratories approved and tested amulets and Golem Scrolls. Shocking.
Several sub-standard zombies have been re-possessed at the Brampton Hospital Site. None were supplied by Sargon and Associates.
Sargon and Associates only uses the highest quality candidates. We do not use murdered crack addicts, re-assembled motorcycle fatalities, or homeless people fresh from the garbage compactor. Our candidates are freshened up at our state of the art facilities in Etobicoke, where latex skin is applied, hair and clothing added, and a suitable pine scented Rectonaut air freshener cone is inserted.
Our zombies work under strict supervision. Each zombie has a camera attached to its helmet so that foreman can direct them from the comfort of the the management lounge on site. A simple pain/pleasure toggle and magnitude rheostate ensures complete obedience to the direction and control of the living, even during lunch and coffee break. To ensure complete obedience, a remote control detonation device is placed inside each zombies work hat.
You may rest assured that superior undead labor is at your finger tips when you do business with Sargon and Associates. Call today! Get your Christmas staffing needs filled now! Your competitors are doing it … why not you?
