Women Like it Deep

Researchers at the University of St. Andrews have concluded that women are more attracted to men who have deeeep voices:

The new study published in the journal Hormones and Behaviour suggests that fertile women prefer men with dominant voices because they are thought to indicate long-term health and higher reproductive success – making these men a good bet for mixing genes to make children.

The discovery of the vocal depths of attraction follows previous research on the theme at Northumbria University, linking deep voices to high testosterone levels, and complements earlier findings that suggest women’s preference for men with more masculine faces is enhanced during the fertile phase, when they also find the sweat of a dominant man more alluring than that of his downtrodden peers.

This makes complete sense to me, considering my voice is about 3 octaves lower than Barry White talking into a empty oil barrel (??).

Of course women prefer men with deep voices, who the hell would want to date a guy that sounds like he’s hopped up on helium? If you want to date Alvin the chipmunk, then yes, deep voices certainly aren’t for you. However, who other than some tranny Hollyweirdo wants to date a squeaky-voiced little hermaphrodite? No one does, that should be as clear as the cute little pugnose on your melon shaped face.

True story. The little Danish girl told me yesterday that her slutty friend was dating this guy who she was head-over-heels with. He was a big guy, 220lbs, 6′2, smart, really attractive, probably hung like a God-damned horse for all I know. However, when he spoke, he sounded like a little girl. She dumped his ass faster than a welfare case drops a job offer. So there ya go, all the weight-lifting and exfoliating rose cream cleansers couldn’t get this guy laid, and all because he sounded like a door from a haunted house.

When you’re having sex with a woman, they are usually thinking about one of three things: How hot your friend is and that she’s actually fantasizing that she’s banging him, how that after you have sex that you’re going to take her for some delicious fried chicken, and how wonderful and deep your sexy voice is. No chick in the world wants to bang a guy that sounds like he’s seen a ghost.

Even if you’re uglier than original sin, even if you look like something a cat just coughed up, even if your head looks like a pinata that 23 Mexican kids just busted in with a baseball bat, as long as you have a deep, manly voice, chances are you’re eventually going to get laid.

Deeper baby, deeper

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