I read 31 ways to make a girl smile by Syok Kahwin, and I can honestly say that I would pay someone, anyone really, $50 to dummy Syok Kahwin with a series of lefts and rights to the face. A better title for this post should have been, “31 ways to indulge a spoiled little insecure princess”.

Among the nonsense in the post are these gems:

7. If you’re talking to another girl, when you’re done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her. let her know she’s yours and they aren’t.

8. Write her notes or call her just to say hi

9. Introduce her to your friends . . . as your girlfriend.

10.Play with her hair.

21.Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)

29.Dont hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she’ll feel left out.

27.Give her wat she wants

If you’re wondering what that sound is, it’s the noise my throat makes right before I vomit.

What an incredibly moronic list. “You know what really makes a girl smile? Butterflies. Yes, and candy coated buggy bear kisses on the nose” Oh god, my gag reflex is starting up again.

I’ll give you ten things that will make a woman smile and I guarantee you that all ten are better than that drivel retardo girl made up:

1) Learn to talk like Rob Burgundy from Anchorman. If she doesn’t smile or laugh at everything you say, then you need to drop her, for she is the devil.

2) Pull your pants/underwear up as high as they will go until you have a major case of male camel toe. Then dance like a leprechaun and sing a Barney song.

3) When you go to give your love a small mouth kiss, and are just touching her lips, ram your tongue down her throat as forcefully as you can. Even if she’s begging you to stop, don’t, just keep swiveling your tongue around her tonsils like you’re stirring a rye and ginger.

4) When your girlie is leaving the house in the morning, when she has her back turned to you, pull out your penis and hold it in your hand. When she turns to say goodbye, look down at your hand and say to her, “We’re going to miss you”.

5) Remember that post I made up with the words buggy bear and snuggly bunny baby bear? Say that crap to her on the phone when you’re about to hang up, “Goodbye, my honey bunny snuggly bubbly bunny bear”

6) Talk like a cat. Say human words in cat voice. For instance, “Gooooooo get meeeee a drink”. Meow it out in human words. Just do it.

7) When brushing your teeth, get a big toothpaste lather in your mouth and then start barking like a dog. An all time classic. The key to this is not to stop until after at least 5 minutes. You’ll get extra smiles if you rub yourself against any piece of furniture while barking.

You may think this is gayer than a toothpick, but it always gets a smile: At night, bring your baby girl a cup of tea and a shortbread biscuit.

9) Fill up her shoes with potato chips. It might not make her smile the first time, but the 50th time you do it, she’ll laugh her hot ass off.

10) Hold the door open for you doll when she’s getting in the car. Right before she sits down, slide your hand under her ass and squeeze that bastard hard.

If I’m lying I’m dying, but every one of these things makes The Little Danish Girl smile from ear to ear. She doesn’t care when I hug her friends or any of the other idiot things on that numbskulls list, she loves spontaneity and originality. That’s what it’s all about.

Now get out there and be original…by stealing my list.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 31st, 2007 at 7:39 pm and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.