Squirrel Fights 2008–Round Trois



Last week’s squirrel fight was the second most impressive squirrel fight we have had in the competition so far. It gives me great pains to tell you though, that Kolonel Kill succumbed to his injuries last week and has gone up to heaven, where he will always have as many peanuts as his little heart desires. The poor critter, I cry for his family. All 300 brothers and sisters.

So far in this competition, we have seen the Mango Muncher and Igor the Russian Drunk advance. We have also seen Bug Eyed Jack and KK take a dirt nap. That’s what we professional announcers call a 50/50. Thems good odds, not so much for living, but more so for dying.

Tomorrow at the Mitchieville Civic Auditorium, will, no doubt, be the greatest squirrel fight to date. Elephantitis Eli will be in the transparent pillowcase against Freddy the Happy Squirrel (that really is a gay name). I have seen both of these fighters train this week, and although I can’t understand them, because they’re squirrels for Christ’s sake, they are fit, ready, and have a predilection for rubbing themselves on branches from old growth trees.

The early money was on EE, but the later money started to go on Freddy. I’m not sure what that means, other than many people have gambling problems. Let’s face it, if you’re betting on a squirrel fight, you are a gambling addict. And most likely a deviant.

Speaking of which: Who do you think is going to win the fight of the century, tomorrow night at the Mitchieville Civic Auditorium in beautiful downtown Mitchieville? Place your bets!

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