Friday Night Man Flesh
We’ve heard a lot about change from the other mayoral candidates this past week, especially from Mitch, the current dictator of Mitchieville. Mitch has been mayor for the past decade and yet the only change seen is higher taxes, more public art celebrating the Mayor’s regime and a continued sexist imbalance, despite strong correctional gains thanks to the efforts of *BITCH*. The time for real change is finally upon us and tonight I would like to introduce you to some of my hardworking supporters. Enough of ad hominem arguments and false promises. The time for action is upon us.
The first consideration in any election that takes place in Mitchieville is security. Already, the tires on my humble campaign vehicle have been slashed – twice – a rock was throw through a window of my similarly humble abode, and one of my food tasters is dead. Once again, I have enlisted the services of my trusty bodyguard YY, also known as Yum Yum, to protect the precious hairs on my head. He never leaves my side. Indeed he shares my bed.
The enigmatic figure you see to the left is none other than Sargon the Magnificent. He is pictured here embarking on a reconnaissance mission. Armed with a photogenic memory, a bag of tea leaves and a pen and notebook, Sargon will investigate rumours that the Mayor is not actually Mitch but an impostor. On his journey, Sargon will confirm that Todd has never set foot in Mitchieville and hence not an eligible candidate for mayor and will also produce a bylaw that will prevent Fenris from naming Set the Snake God as his running mate.
Here we have Desmond. I have hired him to replace the deceased food taster. He brings a lot of experience to this position. Previously, he worked for Fenris Badwulf, but I’ve convinced him the fruits of my kitchen are more rewarding than a steady diet of prune mush and bran.
Here is a rare photo of my campaign manager Dmorris. Usually, Dmorris prefers to work his magic behind the scenes, but he was so excited to receive his new hummer that he consented to have his photo taken.
I’d like to take this opportunity to remind the fine folks of Mitchieville that change requires money and lots of it at that. Unlike the current Mayor, I do not dip into the public treasury to fund my campaign. While it is true that I have plenty of volunteers working with me to change the current regime, supplies, nourishment and photocopies are needed. Contact *BITCH* if you would like to donate or volunteer your time and resources to make Mitchieville a better place.