Panda Attacks Idiot Man

For those of you who think that Chinese people are the smartest people in the world, this next story should bring that notion crashing down to a little place I like to call reality:

A panda at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for a cuddle with the endangered bear, state media said Saturday.

The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said.


“The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu’s arms and legs,”

“Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him,” Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. “I didn’t expect he would attack.”

Sure,  panda bears are cute, but when all is said and done, after all the snuggly-wuggly warm thoughts, you’re left with a 300 lb killing machine. For some reason, people can’t get it through their heads that at the end of the day, a panda bear is still a bear. It’s not a panda blanket, or a panda pillow, it’s a panda BEAR. An animal that doesn’t want filthy human hands hugging it,  or people getting up into its grill and singing Koom-By-Ya into its panda face. Do you really think with those razor sharp claws and a mouth full of jagged teeth, that if you decide its hug time in Pandaville, the panda is just going to say, “Aw shucks, come over here, Timmy, plant that hug on my great big panda bear body.” Sure, you can always try it, what do I care, other than it’s going to mean one less hit per day in Mitchieville.

Un bearable–yuck yuck

One Response to “Panda Attacks Idiot Man”

  1. Professor Bob Says:

    someone else just picked up his 15 minutes of fame.

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