Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder Have Split

Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder are no more, after 17 months of wedded bliss, the couple will file for divorce. In an emotional, and I can also assume gross display, Amy told reporters about some of the couples disgusting sexual secrets that really should have gone to the grave with Amy–and with any luck, that would be tomorrow:

“Mostly it was Blake suggesting new things but Amy doesn’t need encouragement. They were like animals, at it all the time.

“Just like they were with drugs, they pushed themselves to the limit.

“They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers.

“Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it.

“They didn’t care about sharing themselves with others because it turned them on. They thought they were on this sexual journey together.

“And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper.

“Amy said that was the basis for their relationship. It was built on sex so when he went inside prison there was nothing for them to fall back on.

The only way I’d ever do a threesome with Amy Winehouse is if it involved me, Amy, and a chainsaw.  I’m not totally opposed to necrophilia, but from the look of her, she must have been laying around the morgue for a couple months, so if we did get into a threesome with a chainsaw, I’d have to wear a HAZMAT suit with matching safety goggles. And to protect the chainsaw, I’d wrap it in a few Glad garbage bags and make it promise me that no matter how much the ghost of Winehouse begs for some of that crazy chainsaw sex, it won’t penetrate.

You can’t be too safe, dontcha know.

One Response to “Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder Have Split”

  1. Professor Bob Says:

    Hmmm

    Hit by a truck??

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