Christmas Week–Wednesday Edition
I don’t know of a soul alive who can look at the wrinkled body and the chubby face of a baby and not smile. Except for my uncle Louis, of course. Uncle Louis hated babies, he was a real monster. The thing about uncle Louis is that he wasn’t mentally ill or anything, yet he harboured this terrible hate towards babies. It seemed he hated them because they smelled weird or something. He also hated anything that had no control over when they took a shit. We use to say, “Uncle Louis, you can’t possibly hate babies, they’re so adorable, a miracle from God.” But Louis always had the same answer, “Fuck babies, they have no souls. And any God that represents them is no God of mine.”
Well, the last joke is on uncle Louis, as he had a stroke and died 15 years ago. On the one hand I still miss him, on the other hand he was kind of a prick and when it comes down to it, anyone who hates babies should die by massive coronary.
And that’s my favourite Christmas story, I hope you enjoyed it.