Christmas Week–Wednesday Edition

I don’t know of a soul alive who can look at the wrinkled body and the chubby face of a baby and not smile. Except for my uncle Louis, of course. Uncle Louis hated babies, he was a real monster. The thing about uncle Louis is that he wasn’t mentally ill or anything, yet he harboured this terrible hate towards babies. It seemed he hated them because they smelled weird or something. He also hated anything that had no control over when they took a shit. We use to say, “Uncle Louis, you can’t possibly hate babies, they’re so adorable, a miracle from God.” But Louis always had the same answer, “Fuck babies, they have no souls. And any God that represents them is no God of mine.”

Well, the last joke is on uncle Louis, as he had a stroke and died 15 years ago. On the one hand I still miss him, on the other hand he was kind of a prick and when it comes down to it, anyone who hates babies should die by massive coronary.

And that’s my favourite Christmas story, I hope you enjoyed it.

4 Responses to “Christmas Week–Wednesday Edition”

  1. dmorris Says:

    Perhaps poor Uncle Louis hated babies because he had never been one himself, and no one had ever done the “kitchy-coo” bullshit, complete with the tickle-under-the-chin, and he was simply, and understandably, bitter.

    He may never have been BREAST FED, which would make anyone jealous!

    On the other hand, maybe he was just a miserable old fuck, and we’re all better off with him dead.

  2. The Mayor Says:

    All good reasons why he could have been such a cantankerous prick–but I think he was just a miserable asshole because that’s the way he was–a funny asshole though, but we are all better off now that he’s having a dirt nap.

  3. Steamboat McGoo Says:

    Having not known him for all of his life and most of mine, it’s my considered opinion that he was probably an utter rectum and deserved to die by violence. I’m just spit-balling it here, ya understand.

    But maybe he was raped by a baby – or even a foetus! – when he was just a young squirt. That can have profound effects on people, y’know.

  4. KMorris Says:

    Maybe he saw that creepy scene from Trainspotting where the zombie baby or whatever it was is crawling in the ceiling and it just freaked him out too much for words.

    I could be wrong, I am onmy 4th 12 hour shift of the week. I am going to put a dementia patient in my scrubs and sleep in their bed while they do my job. Sucks to this.

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