If You Unclench Your Fist…

Many of you will remember Barack Obama’s inauguration speech where he offered an olive branch to Iranian leaders by saying, “we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”

In response to Obama’s gesture, Iranian leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei responded, ‘We have extended a hand toward Iran.’ What kind of hand is this? If the extended hand is covered with a velvet glove but underneath it, the hand is made of cast iron, this does not have a good meaning at all,”

In a statement released earlier this morning, Barack Obama responded to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei thusly: “I can assure you that underneath our velvet glove lays not a hand that is made of cast iron, but rather is constructed purely of angelic victory. If you just unclench your tightly wound fist, we will extend our angelic hand made purely of victory towards you.”

Later that morning, a telegram arrived from Ayatollah Ali Khamenei addressed to Barack Obama with these words, “We talk to your hand, but I’m afraid we don’t understand. Your velvet glove, although sparkling in the sunlight and pretty in the moonlight, is masked by a granite fist that would smash our peaceful hands if given half a chance.”

Early in the afternoon, Obama penned this for Khamenei, “Your hands are delicate, this I understand, for they are delicate like mine. I’ll make you a deal: If you unclench your fist, I’ll open my hand and forget about all the American soldiers you Iranian folks have killed in Iraq, your state-sponsored terrorism, and all the tens of thousands of people your gang of thugs have massacred since your theocracy came to power shorty after Jimmah Carter turned his back on the Shah and let you Moslem extremists terrorize the Middle East and the world for the better part of the next 30 years.”

To which Khamenei immediatey responded, “That sounds good to us. Say, care to do lunch next Tuesday?”

Barack answered immediately, “Does 5ish work for you?”

True story, make sure to Twitter your friends about it.

One Response to “If You Unclench Your Fist…”

  1. dmorris Says:

    Shit, the correspondence between you and Hope is more exciting than all this “fisting” between the Ayatollah and the Messiah!

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