Chicks With Dicks

The last time you were subjected to Chicks With Dicks was waaaay back on March 18, and on that day of the Lord, River Rat and Stacey successfully guessed that the Dick that belonged to the Chick was that seedy piece of animal feed, Richard Dreyfus.

Congratulations River Rat and Stacey, it’s good to see you’re able to pick out a commies wife from limited information. Your skills will be needed in the next eight years, and then afterwards during the show-trials that will follow the nations eight year nightmare.

Let’s not test the waters by dipping our large toe into it, let’s just jump right in and find out a little about the Dick in question and a little information about the chick who is married to said Dick.

This woman was a super model in the 1970’s. She appeared on all the rag-type magazines, such as Vogue, Glamour, Seventeen, Home & Garden Mitchieville Edition, etc.

In the 1980’s she tried acting and failed miserably, but at least she was still a hot piece of ass and could rely on her good looks to get her through those cold winter nights. In 1983 she married, and a few years later started popping out children like my popcorn maker pops out half-cooked kernels of Orval Redenbacher popping corn (???).

The Dick she is married to is a real dirty pig. He could very well be the nicest guy in the world, but he looks like he hasn’t showered in years, or shaved, or taken any pride in his personal appearance. The Dick is as rich as they get, I guess he’d be valued at about a billion dollars, or 750 billion yen.

I can’t tell you what the Dick does for a living, but I can tell you he’s a musician whose band is still on tour. What do you know, I told you exactly what he does. I can’t keep a secret, I have issues regarding secrecy.

You’ve probably figured it out already, although saying a musician is a dirty pig is rather vague.

Who Is The Dick With This Chick?

14 Responses to “Chicks With Dicks”

  1. john begley Says:

    you gotta be talkin about that elton john freak…now THERE is a dirty little prick if i ever saw one…am i right ?

    i’m confused though…i heard a rumour he was maybe one of ‘them’….which leads me to so what’s with all the bambinos…is it one of those wacko jacko deals ?

  2. dp4life Says:

    the dick in reference is keith richards. the slot belongs to patti hansen.

  3. Stacy Says:

    That would be Keith Richards!

  4. Go_Fish Says:

    I’m going to say Juliann Philips and the dick is Bruce Springsteen. Don’t know about his hygeine regimen, but he is a dick.

  5. john begley Says:

    sometimes i’m surprised at what whores women can be..if I were a ‘hot chick’ i wouldn’t let some greasy goofy drug addled lefty two chord twat paw my swing bags or fiddle around ‘down there’ with my sugar scoop…i wouldn’t do it not even for a million dollars…cause i believe in ‘class’ see….even if i was starving and was like dieing alone and unloved i would never violate my like core principles…

    so howbout a little mental exercise here to prove my point…..try imaging your Mother getting on the hump freak with one of these tuneless cretins…can you visualize it ?….it’s making you sick up a titch ain’t it ?…..that’s because your Mother had class see…..

    QED baby….QED.

  6. The Mayor Says:

    Ya, momma was always a lead singer or nuthin’ type of girl.

    And yes, I personally would never let some lefty two chord twat my swing bag.


  7. cudgel Says:

    a million bucks?…hmmm.

  8. john begley Says:

    and for no other reason than it’s singular appositeness i shall type as i sing my own translation of ‘Mama” by tozzi…please sing along and don’t be shy of gushing with emotion in the hooks and so on….try to think of some drunkenly sentimental garlicky dago who just got the bum’s rush by some dame while he bawls and blubs his greasy wop self pity.

    ‘when the evening shadows fall
    and a lovely day is through
    then with longing i recall
    the years i spent with you…

    safe in the glow of yourrrrrr love
    sent from the heavens abooooooove
    nothing can ever replaaaaaace
    the tender love of your embraaaaace

    oh MAMA!!!

    until the day we’re atogether a-once-a more
    i live-a inna these-a memories a-once-a more…..

    oh Mama mia……

    fade to choking sobbing yet gutteral snorking etc etc(try to imagine the silly boob with snot bubbles forming in his nostrils dripping onto his frilly shirt and melding with the smears of bolognais sauce from his lunch ….)

  9. The Mayor Says:

    I thought it was, “when the moon hits yer eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…”

    In your version, is buddy actually singing this to his mama, or is he referring to the broad that dumped his sorry ass as moma?

  10. john begley Says:

    the suffering is general…..everybody is blubbing….mama….the bimbo…..the guinea balladeer…the cigarette girl and the hatcheck girl….the maitre’d…..

    and fuckamia if i’m not getting moist eyed…my dog heard me emoting the song and even HE’s got a hangdog look….it’s the human condition ferkrissakes and only the eye-ties with all that opera stuff in their repertoire can truly plumb and enunciate the goddamn pitiable state of mankind….now can you finally understand why those rumours about da Vinci being a fairy won’t go away ?….

    anymore explaining and i’ll be forced to bill your ‘municipality’ my hourly rate…i’m not stephen lewis or lloyd axworthy you know who do this kinda shit out of the goodness of their hearts…

  11. The Mayor Says:

    I understand you’re not Google, I just thought I’d ask.

    Either way, it’s a lovely song, and should only be sung by dirty malcontents…at least that’s what I’m reading here.

  12. john begley Says:

    oh oh….i can detect a hint of defensiveness in your voice…i often do that to people i find….they somehow feel i’m being critical….when all i’m trying to do is organize things…get things running like a Royal Navy frigate…i just want a good understanding among people…the sense we’re all singing the same hymn as it were….of course the one thing i will NOT brook is wilful wayward faux individualism….believe me when i say i have a curt manner of dealing with that lapse in the old bon ton……
    of this failing YOU are wholly innocent….i can feel your singular ascetic beatific Augustinian goodness from here….would there were more of your kind to leaven this rodent scat spotted vomitous miasma of a culture…

  13. The Mayor Says:

    Not to worry, living in any Canadian province (and soon to be any American state), everyone’s individualism will soon be crushed–all your individualism are belong to us!

    We will all eat prune mush and drink carrot juice (unsweetened, with extra dirt). We will all make $10.00 an hour working at *the plant* that produces nothing.

    All our names will be Tom. Or we might be numbers, I’m not Kreskin, I can’t tell you everything.

    Just go to work and pay your taxes. The non-taxpayer is counting on you.


  14. john begley Says:

    sometimes i’m aware of all the beauty surrounding me…and then sometimes i don’t notice so much because i owe so much money and everybody depending on me seems so ungrateful….believe it or not last year i was in the dentist’s having a root canal and i felt so safe and secure…it was so quiet and peaceful there….like a holiday it were…nobody with their foul maw making that horrible “O” shape in my face or sticking their red chapped meathook held palm upward before me….

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