Ashley Biden Loves Cocaine

The semi-excellent Radar Online is reporting that the man who allegedly *set up* Ashley Biden in a cocaine scandal could very well be soon doing time of his own soon under a litany of charges:

Look, this is very serious business even the government cannot conduct this kind of activity although federal agents can possess drugs without violating the law. He could be charged with possession of illegal drugs, distributing them and also trying to profit from their sale. I’m not surprised that that the lawyer ‘brokering the deal’ ditched the guy because he could not be seen to be benefiting from the ‘fruits of the crime.’”

In case you’re just getting to the party, it was revealed yesterday that Joe Biden’s daughter–Ashley *the snowblower* Biden was filmed by an ex-boyfriend while snorting coke and being mouthy:

The video showed a woman resembling the Vice-President’s daughter taking a red straw from her mouth, bending over a desk, inserting the straw into her nostril and snorting lines of white powder.

The woman then stands up and starts talking with other people in the room as a young man – identified as her boyfriend – watches from behind.

It described a man cutting up five lines of what is said to be cocaine, as the woman claimed to be Ms Biden jokes that the lines are not big enough.

The man hands her a rolled-up dollar bill and she pulls back her hair and snorts a line. After she snorts the first line, she lifts her head to wipe her nose and then snorts a second and third line.

The New York Post said that the seller originally wanted to sell the video to the media for $2 million (£1.3million), before reducing it to $400,000. Radaronline.com put the asking price at $250,000. The video was supposedly taken this year.

Let me see if I get this straight: Ashley Biden gets a bunch of something for free, consumes it, and then complains that there isn’t enough? Yup, she’s a liberal alright.

I understand why Ashley’s boyfriend could face criminal charges, but if everything works out and the cops end up arresting him, shouldn’t they also arrest Ashley *My daddy coined the term drug czar* Biden? I mean, even if buddy tried to set Ashley *stick a straw in my proboscis and fill it with blow* Biden up by giving her cocaine, it’s not like she HAD to snort it. She had a choice, she could have said, no thanks, I’d rather not snort an illegal substance up my nose. But that’s not what happened. What happened is that Ashley *I have a serious drug addiction* Biden not only did one line, but she did THREE lines on tape, and then complained because the lines weren’t thick enough.

Think about it–if Ashley *It’s snowing out in my nose* Biden wasn’t such a drug-addled, coke snorting mule, why would her ex-boyfriend bring that certain drug to try to frame her if he knew she didn’t do that particular drug? Does that make sense? Like, he didn’t bring heroin because she doesn’t do heroin (maybe), he brought cocaine because he KNEW she did cocaine.

Ta da–look at me, I’m a detective.

Finally, here’s how the Times Online describes Joe *My daughter is a coke-o-holic* Biden:

The video will embarrass Mr Biden, a teetotaller and an outspoken anti-drug crusader who coined the term “drug czar”

A teetotaller? Has the definition of a teetotaller been changed to *someone who is an alcoholic*? The Mayor should have been notified about that.

Put it this way, Joe Biden is a teetotaller as much as his daughter doesn’t huff nose candy through a wicky stick. Yes, a wicky stick.

3 Responses to “Ashley Biden Loves Cocaine”

  1. Richard Evans Says:

    wicky-stick… That’s my new favorite phrase… And to think… I’d have never heard it but for the fact that Joe Biden’s daughter got caught on video snorting shit up her nose… Too Funny!

  2. dmorris Says:

    Hey, just because she snorted three lines doesn’t mean she’s an addict. And it could be that Ashley just has a different way of taking laxatives.

    I figure I have to defend fairly good looking young women whose fathers are important political figures,and who are caught horking up lines of coke, just in case they have some left over and want to share. ;-)

    Oh yeah, it’s not Ashley’s fault her dad is a lush,either. Maybe she snorts to hide her shame and embarrassment.

    Just sayin’.

    btw, you’d think a high class broad would use something a little more high brow than a one dollar bill. Christ, we used twenties back in the sixties, and we were goddamn peasants!

  3. The Mayor Says:

    I heard she does so much blow she uses giant swaths of pvc pipe. Like the kind they use for air conditioning units.

    You’re right though, maybe I should ease up on the little coke trout, her old man may be my direct line to some of that keraaaaazy stimulus money.

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