Somali Pirates Or Hell’s Kitchen Apprentices?

Michael Faul and Tom Maliti from the AP, are reporting that the African (Somali) pirates that have been terrorizing the waterways off the East African coast may not actually be bad people:

The pirates’ primary concerns, however, are economic, and they have no interest in escalating violence.

Pirates armed with assault rifles and rocket-propelled grenades typically speed toward a ship in skiffs and use ropes and hooks to get aboard without shooting. Within days, a ransom of $1 million to $2 million is delivered, by sea or air, and the ship and crew are released.

No shot is fired. No one is harmed. Hostages have even told of being fed “sumptuously,” with pirates billing the shipping companies for the food and drinks.

Maybe I have pegged these young lads all wrong. At first I thought they were no more than terrorists and kidnappers, holding people hostage, exploiting governments, destroying families, and ruining lives, but I see now that they are more like culinary freedom fighters. These people don’t want to kill, maim, and exploit, all they really want to do is cook, explore various shipping lanes, and learn simple accounting procedures so as to adhere to GAAP.

7 Responses to “Somali Pirates Or Hell’s Kitchen Apprentices?”

  1. RiverRat Says:

    Yep Looks like a f/n chef to me.

  2. Steamboat McGoo Says:

    Then I guess Michael Faul and Tom Maliti won’t mind me busting into their homes, holding their family for a million buck ransom while pointing rockets and guns at them and feeding them caviar and champagne (charged to their credit cards). Oh – and occasionally having the entire house towed off to be sold, or simply emptied of possessions.

    No problemo. Right?

  3. The Mayor Says:

    I fail to see why that would bother them–as long as you don’t kill them outright.

  4. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    my heart bleeds as i read this

    cant we just give them citizenship now?

  5. nancy Says:

    Let them cook for Davey Jones.

  6. Go_Fish Says:

    As Gordon Ramsey would say, “Piss off you f’n donut!”

  7. Rocky Says:

    “The rapist was very tender, complimenting her on her clothes, and cooking her breakfast the next day.”

    A future AP story excerpt, although since the AP took it upon themselves to do the PR work for Islamic pirates, the two subjects practically go hand in hand.

    No interest in escalated violence? Then put your guns down first.

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