Language Lessons


Many of you world travellers will agree with The Mayor when I say that nothing is more embarrassing than going on vacation, meeting a lovely specimen of the opposite sex, and then not being able to communicate even the simplest of words. Sure, love has no language barrier, but when you’re trying to tell the woman you just finished making sexy to, to get the hell out of your hotel room or you’re going to have to pay an extra $9 a night for the extra visitor, then ya bub, you best be knowing a couple of phrases to get by.

Tonight I’m going to introduce you to a phrase that has never let The Mayor down. When I have uttered this gem in the past, not only are the ladies mere seconds away from falling into my arms, but mere nanoseconds from falling into my bed. It also seems to soften the woman up when I eventually try to borrow small sums of money from them. Let’s face it, double rye and gingers don’t pay for themselves.

Be careful when using this phrase, it’s more powerful than AXE deodorant:

“I can eat my weight in cheeseburgers”.

French: Je peux manger mon poids en cheeseburgers

Spanish: Puedo comer mi peso en cheeseburgers

Russian: Я могу съесть мой вес в cheeseburgers

Italian: Posso mangiare il mio peso in cheeseburger

Dutch: Ik kan mijn gewicht in cheeseburgers eten

Remember, I can only lob the ball up for you, it’s your job to smack that little bastard out of the park. That’s not some sort of twisted euphemism. Or perhaps it is. I am totally messing with you right now. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it other than accept it and nod that pretty little head of yours up and down.

3 Responses to “Language Lessons”

  1. Go_Fish Says:

    I’m going to use that line today. Thanks Mayor!

  2. KMorris Says:

    But can you then poop your weight in cheeseburgers – all in one go? If so, people like you are the bane of my existence. For god sake go in the toilet, then break those massive logs with the stick end of the plunger so I don’t have to call maintenance. Gross.

  3. Go_Fish Says:

    Ah yes. Nothing like encountering a massive turd left behind by someone who wanted everyone else to enjoy their trophy by not flushing.

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