A insurance data-analysis firm studied the driving habits of about 360,000 vehicle owners and found that hybrid owners are by far the worst drivers on the road:

Owners typically drive farther, get more tickets, and have significantly more expensive insurance claims. 

The firm looked at several common use categories used by insurers—including “pleasure use” (everyday driving) and “high commute” (commuting more than 15 miles a day). The long commuters traveled about the same distance whether they drove a hybrid or not, but the everyday drivers of hybrids drove about 25 percent (2,000 miles) farther than those of non-hybrids—largely offsetting any petroleum savings.

Looking at moving violations, Quality Planning found that Toyota Prius drivers get 0.38 violations per 100,000 miles driven, compared to an average of 0.23. Collision loss costs are also much higher for hybrids—with comprehensive coverage loss about 17 percent higher than average. Furthermore, two—the Toyota Highlander Hybrid and Ford Escape Hybrid—have among the highest collision loss costs. For 2006 hybrid models, the costs to the insurer of comprehensive coverage were 75 percent higher than average.

There are many reasons why hybrid owners drive more than regular car owners, get into more accidents, and get more tickets: because they’re assholes. Fully and completely.

Hybrid owners get into more accidents because they’re too busy looking at their smug, condescending faces in the rear-view mirror instead of paying attention to the road. They drive more miles than the regular Joe because they think just because they drive a car that gets better mileage than you, that entitles them to rape momma earth by driving twice as much. That’s the twisted logic these pinheaded, pencil-necked geeks subscribe to. Who cares how much I drive, says hybrid owner, I’ll just buy some offsets and have someone plant a shrub in Honduras. I’m a good person. Zoom zoom zoom.

Another reason why hybrid owners get into more accidents is because of people like me who purposely drive them off the road and into telephone poles, ditches, and into other cars. In Mitchieville, it’s not even against the law to do that to hybrid owners, it’s actually encouraged. I figure for every hybrid I take off the road, means one less commie professor who won’t make it to school that day. That’s good for the cheeeeeldren.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.