Book ‘Em Danno!

The top 16 police comments taken off police car videos around the country:

1.  You know, top lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.

2.  Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new.  They’ll stretch after you wear them awhile.

3.  If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

4.  If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.

5.  Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?  Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.

6.  You don’t know how fast you were going?  I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?

7.  Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?

8.  Warning!  You want a warning?  OK, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.

10. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or sober.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

11. Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.

12. Yeah,we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

13. In God we trust. All others we run through Interpol.

14. How big were those “two beers” you say you had?

15. No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.

16. I’m glad to hear that the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.

Last one:  “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right. We don’t. Sign here.”

5 Responses to “Book ‘Em Danno!”

  1. dmorris Says:

    #5 has gotta be my favourite!

    And that last one’s pretty good,too.

  2. lyrmat Says:

    OMFG !! I LOVE THIS… so freaking `real ! :)

  3. nancy Says:

    I got my first ticket yesterday. I was so surprised when the officer said I had an expired tag since April.
    I said,”I forgot to attach my sticker?”
    and the smart ass said, “Or, you didn’t buy one.”
    He was right, but not on purpose.

  4. The Mayor Says:

    Sorry Nancy, but that’s a VERY funny story.

    Lyrmat –glad you enjoyed it!

  5. Linkdump | Autumn People Says:

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