Who Are The World’s Best Lovers?


If you said bald Adonises named The Mayor from a little place I like to call Mitchieville, then you sir/madam are correct. But since this article is about actual countries and not specific love making machines, you’ll have to read onwards to find out the real answer:

A poll of 15,000 women found that Germans are considered “too smelly”.

English lovers came second because they are so lazy, while men from Sweden were branded “too quick to finish” and came third.

Technically, if the Swedes are “too quick to finish”, wouldn’t that make them *come in first*?


Spanish men topped the table as the best lovers, followed by Brazilians and Italians.

The poll, carried out by global research site www.OnePoll.com, asked women from 20 countries to rate nations on their ability in bed and give reasons for their answers.

Germans were deemed to have bad body odour, Englishmen were accused of letting women do all the work, whilst Swedes were a bit too quick to finish.

Men from Holland were “too rough” between the bed covers and Americans were accused of being “too dominating” in the bedroom.

Greek men were said to be a bit too soppy.

Other countries who didn’t fare well in the poll were Scotland (too loud), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish).

Russian men crept in at tenth place amid accusations they are too hairy for the average woman.

I have no idea if German guys stink. I have no idea if British men are lazy in bed. I certainly have no idea if Swedes finish too fast. But I do know that any woman who has enough sexual information on a multitude of men from a multitude of different countries, and then goes onto an obscure website to  fill out a survey based on her sexual proclivities by actually being able to rate these guys, well, she must be a little bit of special herself.

On the flip side, Canada placed tenth when it came to world’s best lovers. And if it wasn’t for the guys that reside in BC, Alberta and Saskatchewan, we would have come in second.

8 Responses to “Who Are The World’s Best Lovers?”

  1. mare Says:

    ” well, she must be a little bit of special herself.” I was thinking the same thing.

    But I loved this because it fit into stereotypes so well:

    “Other countries who didn’t fare well in the poll were Scotland (too loud), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish).”

  2. Andy Says:

    Don’t leave out the light-loafers in PEI, Mr. Mayor. They have just as much to do with the Canadian drop-off in this poll of sluts.

    This article is ridiculous, and obviously racist! Of course the Scotts are too loud! You ever been to one of them funerals where they play the bagpipes in their girly skirts? Heck, you cry more for your bleeding ears than for the dearly departed.

    So, America comes in at #5 on the “worst” list…that’s cool with me. I’d rather be remembered as “too rough,” than “too French.” (Note that the frogs ain’t even on the list)

    The next time I bag a foreign traveler babe, I will remind her that at least I ain’t a smelly Jerry, or a Ruskie bearskin, or a sweaty turkey.

    Even if I am (as an American) the 5th worst lover in the world, it will probably still be the 4th best night of her life…

  3. dinosaur Says:

    Damn, that Dmorris,

    I think the thing this poll really shows is that there’s just no pleasing women.

  4. dmorris Says:

    We BC’ers may have brought the average down a bit, but it was the Newfoundlanders that pulled us all the way down to tenth!

    Cod-flavoured toothpaste!

    Or the Manitobans. They can’t get excited unless they’re wearing hip waders.

  5. dmorris Says:

    btw, when WE BC’ers offer a woman an after sex smoke, well……..

  6. The Mayor Says:

    We in Ontario smoke when we’re having sex.

    Wait. What?

  7. Andy Says:

    …well…they refuse the smoke, and go for a run, because they need some exercise. ;)

  8. Nurse Kate Says:

    Mayor: if you smoke during sex, you need to use more lube.

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