Science Finds A Cure For Frigid Women


Put that damned bottle of GHB down. They’ve invented a “female Viagara”, dubbed flibanserin, which helps boost the female libido. Or in less PC terms, it gets women horny, which is bound to make men horny. No, not thorny, horny.

The drug flibanserin appears to increase sexual desire in women suffering from low sexual desire, according to the drug’s German maker, Boehringer Ingelheim, which funded three clinical trials. The results were presented this week at the Congress of the European Society for Sexual Medicine in Lyon, France.

“Flibanserin was a poor antidepressant,” lead researcher John Thorp, of the University of North Carolina, told the meeting. “However, astute observers noted that it increased libido in laboratory animals and human subjects… So, we conducted multiple clinical trials.”

Interestingly, the drug is being dubbed “Viagra for women” after the little blue pill that treats male erectile difficulties and that was also discovered by accident. Viagra was developed as a heart medication but while it failed poorly in testing, researchers noticed it helped increase blood flow in the penis. The rest is pharmaceutical history.

History indeed. One can readily imagine the initial human testing results:

Doctor: “Do you feel less depressed?”
Patient: “I want you inside me.”

For the studies, more than 2,000 women in the U.S., Canada and Europe took doses of the drug, and the women reported significant improvements in sexual desire, upping the average number of times the women put out from 3.7, to 4.5. Makers of the drug report a short-term side effect of drowsiness, dizziness, and dry mouth. I don’t know about you, but I can think of how to cure the last problem.

A tall glass of lemonade. What did you think I was going to say?


8 Responses to “Science Finds A Cure For Frigid Women”

  1. marc in calgary Says:

    oh look, she’s wearing white, just the same as the rest of the appliances.

  2. Rocky Says:

    What you didn’t mention is it went up to 4.5 times a DAY. The .5 gets a little complicated.

  3. Raphael Says:

    .5 isn’t that complicated. It’s basically second base.

  4. classicaliberal Says:

    Damn it, I’m always late to the Mensa questions. Therefore this week I’m going to predict the questions, and answer them below.

    The answer to question number one: Where does Confucius say the man going sideways through a revolving door is headed? Bangkok

    The answer to question number two is the square root of Donny Osmond’s botox injections divided by the number of Percocet Marie has ingested over the last 10 years.

    Did I win?

  5. mare Says:

    Does it get rid of men’s beer bellies, baldness, flatulence, and ratty t-shirts?

  6. The Mayor Says:

    Mare – I know Viagra doesn’t. I mean, I’ve HEARD it doesn’t.

  7. dmorris Says:

    “upping the average number of times the women put out from 3.7, to 4.5.”

    As Rocky and Raphael mentioned,the time frame here is extremely important,I’m assuming that’s per year.

    If it’s actually PER DAY, I’ll buy five gallons of that stuff!

  8. TH III Says:

    Did they check how many were Dizzy going into the test? Probably 4.5 or so.

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