Predictions of the Year 2000 From The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900

ladies-home-journal-1900

I was reading old issues of The Ladies Home Journal this morning, as I’m apt to do every Monday morning, when I happened upon their issue from December 1900. It was an article by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”.

There are 29 predictions the author made about what he thought was going to happen in the next 100 years. Some of the predictions were right on the money, while some were off by a long-shot. But one thing is for sure: This new sweater I got for Christmas really accentuates my most-manly pecks.

Here are a few predictions that were dead-on or at least pretty close:

Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.And then there were some that missed the mark:

Prediction #10  Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

And then there were ones that weren’t very close at all:

Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams. The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.And then was one that is just plain creepy:

 And then there was this one that I can only define as plain creepy:

There will be a child born in 1966 who will later go on to be The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World, The Universe. And hot women with large breasts will anoint his head — anointy nointy – and men will forever be jealous of his magnificent looks and cosmic appeal, and will never look him straight in the eye for fear of being beaten like a rented mule And getting back to those women with the large breasts, did I mention how awesome they are? Because they are awesome, especially their big breasts.

Holy crap, is anyone else getting shivers up and down their spine? Imagine that, no mosquitoes.

If I were you, I would go read the whole article and laugh, cry, and sit in one position, bewildered yet amused, hot yet cold, dry yet sticky with your own bodily fluids. But fortunately I am not you, so I will sit in my large leather chair, drinking top-shelf rye while spitting pumpkin seeds into a Planter’s Peanut jar.

5 Responses to “Predictions of the Year 2000 From The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900”

  1. Andy Says:

    I like this one: Prediction #16: There will be No C, X or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. Spelling by sound will have been adopted, first by the newspapers. English will be a language of condensed words expressing condensed ideas, and will be more extensively spoken than any other. Russian will rank second.

    Sounds like the internet, where nobody uses X, or Q, unless they’re really gay. Just sayin…

    And, this ‘un: Prediction #29: To England in Two Days. Fast electric ships, crossing the ocean at more than a mile a minute, will go from New York to Liverpool in two days…

    I love me a fast electric ship ride. I mean it! (But, I’m still waiting on my jet pack that Walter Cronkite showed us in 1968…that we was all supposed to be using by the 21st Century…bastard!)

    Pretty good stuff, Mr. Mayor, especially about your Santa sweater, and your man boobs and all. Please post photos for the benefit of The Mrs. And, please be sure to post photos of your new hearing aid…I just love junk like that.

  2. dmorris Says:

    Hm, #11 should have been followed by #12: no birds will exist on Earth as there’s no goddamned food for them.

    I can’t read the whole article as I’m pressed for time, but will accept that you’ve highlighted the important parts.

    As for that part about the Mayor, it sent a brief thrill up my spine but I scratched my ass and it went away.

    btw, when the hell is Mitchieville going to be the 48th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World, The Universe?

    Seems like we’ve been stagnating at 49th for quite some time now,and some of us are getting restless.

    I HOPE it’s not time for a CHANGE, just yet.

  3. The Mayor Says:

    It may seem like we’ve been stagnating for quite some time, but the reality of it is that it’s only been 5 years. 2010 is going to be a breakthrough year, I can feel it up my spine.

    Something’s going up my spine, i sure hope that’s what it is!

  4. dmorris Says:

    Maybe reaching out to foreign Countries is the best way to grow the population,like those other Countries do, Canada and the Excited States.

    We could encourage people from less fortunate areas,like Pakistan,Zimbabwe, and Quebec to immigrate here!

    Whatever, I leave it to you and the Minister of Immigration,but some day I wanna see ,”the 48th fastest growing……”

    Not asking for 47th, not even DREAMING of 41, just a modest, humble growth,like a benign tumor.

  5. fenris Says:

    Well, if O gets that immigration reform passed …

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