Language Lessons


The Mitchieville Berlitz Language and Dog Obedience School (MBL&DOS) is proud to bring to you another segment of Language Lessons.

Language Lessons is a semi-bi-yearly instructional course geared at helping you – Mitchieville world travelers – learn different phrases, words and sentences in a variety of international languages.

The sentence you learn today is probably one of the most important sentences one should keep in their linguistic arsenal. Being a world traveler myself, I have used this sentence on numerous occasions. I will not lie - it has even saved my life. Twice.

“Excuse me doctor, a marginalized, homeless person who is obviously still reeling from the lingering effects of Colonialism in Africa, has shoved a rusty shiv into my stomach, I would like medical assistance.”

Dutch - “Excuseer me arts, een uitgesloten dakloze persoon die duidelijk nog windt van de treuzelende gevolgen van Kolonialisme in Afrika, een roestige shiv in mijn maag gestopt, zou ik van medische assistance.” houden;

Italian- Scusi il mio medico, una persona senza casa marginata che ovviamente ancora sta annaspando dagli effetti prolungati del colonialismo in Africa, ha spinto uno shiv arrugginito nel mio stomaco, io gradirebbe assistance.” medico;

German- “Entschuldigen Sie meinen Doktor, eine mit Randbemerkungen geversehene heimatlose Person, die offensichtlich noch von den verweilenden Effekten von Kolonialismus in Afrika wirbelt, hat geschoben ein rostiges shiv in meinen Magen, ich möchte medizinisches assistance.”

Spanish- “Excúse me doctor, una persona sin hogar marginada que obviamente todavía esté aspando de los efectos persistentes del colonialismo en África, ha empujado un shiv oxidado en mi estómago, yo quisiera assistance.” médico;

Portuguese- “Desculpe-me doutor, uma pessoa desabrigada marginalizada que obviamente ainda esteja bobinando dos efeitos atrasados do colonialismo em África, shoved um shiv oxidado em meu estômago, mim gostaria de assistance.” médico;

As I say, this phrase will one day save your life. I mean, if you’re in a nation that actually values life in the first place. If not, prepare to have your wallet stolen, your body beaten further into a pulp, and your carcass thrown into a wood lot where you will bleed out.


One Response to “Language Lessons”

  1. Sisyphus Says:

    I like how in each language, “shiv” is translated as “shiv.”

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