Soccer – Wake Me When It’s Over

Is anyone in Mitchieville interested in the World Cup? Ya, me neither. What a completely useless sport soccer is. Sure, I understand if you grew up and your folks didn’t have any money, or you immigrated here from one of those terribly smelly countries, that you are probably interested in soccer, but as for The Mayor – I can’t wrap my head around any sport where there is absolutely NO ACTION EVER. EVA!!!

Nothing EVER happens in soccer. It’s like 90 minutes of watching fruity dudes who fall down a lot after nothing happened to them, chase a ball that they most likely won’t even try to score with, and then congratulate each other for doing ZIPPO. And then the game ends 0-0. Three shots on goal for one team and four for the other, and the announcer says, “what a thrilling and entertaining game”.

Plus, is there some sort of rule in soccer that if you want to play you have to have extremely greasy hair?

I know there will be some of you that are probably offended that The Mayor just insulted soccer. Think about how The Mayor feels for a second. I use to think you were cool. Now I hear you like watching greasy, fruity dudes who fall down a lot. Ya, feel my pain for a second. Unlike soccer players, I have actual, real pain.

**The Daily What provided the pic

17 Responses to “Soccer – Wake Me When It’s Over”

  1. dmorris Says:

    Oh,soccer. yeah………….uh, Manchester United 1 New Zealand All-Blacks 0. And that’s in the Stanley Cup final. That’s my prediction.

    The World Cup is being played in South Africa,where there are lots of Africans,even more than in the U.S. or Toronto.

    Great thing about soccer is you can start to watch the match at the beginning,go outside for an hour or so, come back in and……..nothing’s happened! So you miss nothing.

    I think they flip a coin at the end of it all to decide who wins a game where no goals are ever scored.

    Btw, my wife says the soccer players have “nice legs”.

  2. paul mitchell Says:

    The best part about soccer is…um….the riots?

  3. marc in calgary Says:

    The girl I like the most, likes futbol, so, I like futbol, a lot.

    ’cause I know what’s good for me, that’s my excuse.

    I was raised by socialists that worked for the gov’t, had a couple of siblings that worked for the gov’t, aunts and uncles and grandparents that worked for the gov’t.
    Most of my neighbors in Regina worked for the gov’t. I was brought up to know that when I looked in the refrigerator, it was the gov’t that provided that, and the reason I wasn’t naked was that the gov’t provided my parents with money for the work they did.
    Pierre Elliot Trudeau kissed my mom on the cheek in Victoria Park during a campaign there in about 1974, while my neutered father watched. One day I entered into the kitchen and sat for breakfast and there was a stranger sitting there with my parents, someone who needed a ride up from the border that didn’t want to go to Vietnam apparently…
    The family functions and get togethers have really tapered off for me in the past 20 years, I’ve realized that only by approving of their votes for worst president ever and remaining silent during the Bush Derangement Syndrome Hour, is the only way to not *start something* … and you know I just hate to *start something*.
    So, I can buy a dessert instead. Then I can eat it all. Dad was telling me a month or so past that the reason so many people are angry at the gov’t is that they’re just jealous, and the Greeks should just pay their taxes and the whole Euro thing will just work itself out.

    So, I joined a soccer team when I was a kid, I wasn’t very good, unlike my kids who shine like diamonds on the soccer pitch, and our coach was from Hungary, it seemed that he took a few shots from his gov’t in his journey here about 1956, his good wife took a couple of shots too as they crossed the border. I believe he carried her a great distance. I always wondered why would a gov’t shoot at its own people? Couldn’t travel arrangements be made with these folks? My other great friends from youth told me all about Poland, and Lithuania… and hunger. So it was a conflicted youth. Every practice we’d learn of how shitty it was in Hungry, and the reasons why, then I’d go home and see how the gov’t provides the well connected with refrigerators full of the goods. I hope my old soccer coach is well, there’s plenty of life lessons I’ve never forgotten while getting hammered on the field.

    Anyway, the love of soccer stuck with me, I liked how the Germans toyed with the Australians today. I think it’s poor judgement on FIFA’s behalf that forces Israel to qualify in Europe instead of having to play their neighbors pathetic teams. I especially like how Mitchieville has included the Argentine colors in it’s blog background.

  4. Andy Says:

    Soccer sucks! But, I did come up with ONE thing good about the US vs. England match. The players could discuss hairdos and nail sculpting without the need of an interpreter.

    My youngest son played soccer for ONE stinkin’ season. He is mentally retarded, so I was quite happy that he wanted to get into some sport…figuring it would be good for him…exercise, team spirit junk, yada yada yada. I went to every freakin’ game. The next Spring he told me that he did not want to play.

    I bought him a pony. And a yacht. And would have hired hookers for him if he was capable of understanding how proud I was that he had walked away from the boring gayness of it all.

  5. unclescott Says:

    Soccer is for people who can’t play basketball,baseball, or football…personally I would rather be hit in the face than kicked in the shins…shins are for finding my trailer hitch and furniture in the dark…just sayin’…

  6. mikeg81 Says:

    Soccer is no different from any other sport with the guys who dive to get a penalty, boring or exciting games, and losers who populate the sport.

    I’ved watched some exciting soccer and some boring football/hockey games(I feel that same way about basketball and baseball as most here do about soccer).

    So it’s all relative, I suppose…

  7. The Mayor Says:

    Baseball and basketball? Boooooring. Both sports are fun to play, but impossible to watch.

    Bass fishing though? could watch it all day!

  8. Natasha Says:

    Not interested in the World Cup either. But I think soccer’s fun to play — at least, I thought so as a kid. Of course we played more of a rugby version, although we didn’t know what rugby was, so we called it “murder soccer”. It was anything goes, and the point was more to attack the person with ball than to score.

    I think, like baseball, it’s dull to watch.

  9. Mr Fnortner Says:

    How can two teams compete flat out for 90 minutes and neither score a goal? Incompetence? Not quite. The greatest defect in soccer is the goalie, just as in hockey, etc. Can you imagine basketball if each team had some guy on a step ladder blocking balls from the basket? Once you remove the goalie, then the game becomes much more interesting. The boys who invented rugby football understood that (and the rule against carrying the ball, which is OK once the goalie is gone). They fixed soccer once. Perhaps it needs fixing again. Delete the goalie.

  10. tibi Says:

    The sport could be made more interesting with a simple rule change. When a player goes down, writhing in agony, the line judge pulls out a pistol and shoots that player in the leg and shouts “Play on!” Would definitely liven things up.

  11. Andy Says:

    Mr. Fnortner, and tibi are probably on to something. I might be able to go for a game like that.

    Natasha, thank you Dear! You reminded me of my own childhood when we played kind of a “rugby version” of soccer. We did use either a round red rubber “kickball,” or a regulation American “football” (the odd shaped one).

    We didn’t call it “murder soccer.” We called it “Smear The Queer!” Some in the 40 to 60-ish age group will remember that game.

    God, it was fun!

  12. nancy Says:

    I loved to play most every sport…though, I wouldn’t dress out for gym when it was track and field quarter..nope, and watching sports is boring to me now.
    I was the only girl on my street, so I played easy sports with the guys.
    Anyway, kickball was my favorite, and taunting was excepted and expected.
    This one afternoon, a fella whose team had won, bent over and stuck his ass out at me. Now I didn’t know a thing about the male anatomy, so I kicked it. Not that hard..I was barefooted, but it was square in the crack.
    I never saw such a thing…the writhing, the clawing of the ground, eating grass..sorry, but I first.
    When he caught his breath, he threatened to kill me.
    I ran like hell, cut through yards, ducked behind trees, and finally jumped the fence in my back yard. Good thing he was a fat kid, because any of the other guys could have caught me easy.
    He stalked me for a couple of hours more..’till his mom called him for supper. We were friends again the next day, but I made a mental note to be more careful..guys can be fragile.

  13. tfhr Says:

    I think soccer would be more interesting with roller skates and a hardwood floor with lots of uneven boards but I like the shooting idea mentioned by tibi too.

  14. sharkguy Says:

    The same people who slam footie, wouldn’t dare say the same thing about golf, where you could play 9 holes wearing a colostomy bag and an IV drip. Hell, the outfielders in a baseball game— a sport consisting of pyjama-wearing slobs—could be outfitted with lawn chairs and beer coolers given the lack of activity there. Furthermore, baseball could be played after undergoing a double organ transplant.

  15. The Mayor Says:

    lol – it’s not as if I can disagree with you.

    All sports would be better if we could incorporate snipers.

  16. Mr Fnortner Says:

    …and tiger traps in the open field (pitch, fairway, etc.)

  17. Ignorant Says:

    Your Sports Day Babes in the photo from 2008 are wearing soccer shirts. Surely one good reason to like the biggest sport in the world.

    Why can’t americans get their heads round any sport that doesn’t have high scoring?

    Why don’t your sissy football players take off their helmets and pads and play football like real men.

    Oh by the way the way dmorris – the NEW ZEALAND ALL BLACKS are a RUGBY team, you know that sport you stole your wimpy American Football from.

    If you think globally maybe you must be global rednecks.

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