Sharing your culture with other non-Canadian-Canadians, that is diversity. Some of those other cultures have some really exciting costumes and traditional dances, that you see at Folkfest. Sharing is important. Even more important (but not as important as paying taxes, paying taxes more often, paying more taxes, and/or paying more taxes more often) is to put on your shit eating smile while some cultural trait is manifested that just does not make sense, according to your own racist, white right wing extremist, standards. Whitey, you are wrong. If you mumble or complain, you get threatened. So, maybe you should just shut up and work to pay your taxes; and the next logical step after that is to share your culture, just as you have been shared upon as you stand in the rich creamy goodness of the outhouse of political correctness.

Farting on the Subway. Remember how important farting was to your social development when you were a child? You were just trying to turn your life around after a brush with the law, putting aside your connections to gangs, drugs, and unregistered firearms. So you let out a long, silent, and most fragrant fart in some public place. Just sharing your anger and outrage at capitalism, you were. Sure, if your Mom found out she would be mad, but she was a slave to the patriarchial system … she could not wear a potato sack and have acid thrown in her face if she was uppity, like a real liberated woman. As for Dad, well, not being a bastard is a sign of white privilege. Dad would never approve of farting on the subway, but that white male racist rapist would want you to get a job, be responsible for your children, and not shoot people in the head. Good thing he died waiting to see a nurse who could speak English in a waiting room in a cumin scented hospital.

Back to farting. Fortify yourself with a heavy meal of fatty pork, saurkraut, eggs and dairy products. If you do not have a job because of socialism, even better. (Either they won’t hire you because of your milky skin, or you are qualified and they want someone un-qualified and anything but white, or they are going bankrupt because their un-qualified staff have gouged them with hate crimes settlements). I let one off at Ossington * , going east. It was just like High School. I was sharing diversity, and fighting capitalism at the same time. It felt good. Unlike everyone else on the car, my eyes were watering with happiness. I was being diverse. All those capitalist scum, going to work, sharing in my righteous, er, leftist ire at the evils of not paying enough taxes to pay for my friends and bum buddies who hand out tax money.

People held scented snot rags to their faces, and some people left the subway. This was great! The only time I see people leave the subway is in the presence of diversity: like when some N-person empties his bladder on a seat, or waves around an unregistered firearm as a protest about the legacy of colonialism in Africa. It felt good! My white guilt was oozing out of me, like when a progressive empties a load into the mouth of a fellow progressive. Finally, I can experience the ‘all white people are serial killers’ thrill of serial killing, without the killing. Sexual, indeed.

I have nothing to lose. I lost my job thanks to socialism. I have lots of time on my hands. You can only read the free copy of the Communist Manifesto you get from the Unemployment Office so many times. The woman I love has left me for another man, with a job in the public sector. The food bank only has food that makes me fart, anyway. So, for the next little while, I am going to work on my obesity problem (I don’t have one, so I cannot get additional funding, so I better gain weight) by choking back the canned squid and halal turnips and go riding the subway every rush hour to put the diversity to the capitalist scum job holders.

Like, I care.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 26th, 2010 at 9:08 am and is filed under Hippie Wisdom. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.