Victory Coffee

Good Morning, Happy Worker.

Today is Sunday, and I want you to visualize the alternate reality that you have to go to work today. This is not going to be a comfortable day for you. You will visualize that you do not have clean underwear to put on; so pick out the least rancid pair. You can have a shower.

In the shower, ask yourself: Why am I going into work on a Sunday? Why indeed. You are going into work to donate a days pay to the tax spenders. They need stuff. They are suffering, and they need stuff. They never go to work, you know. And now you are, to support them, and the shrill harpies, the smelly hippies, the twin-souled (but never violent cross dressers), who count your coins, crisp your bills, and reject your paperwork.

But maybe you are blessed by fortune. You are in your traditional Sunday morning costume, suitable to your culture. A blue terry bathrobe, clean underwear, sandals.

If this is true, that you are not working today, Happy Worker, then it is also true that it is possible that your good fortune is the result of blessings showered upon you by Set, the Snake God. You are special. You are not food. You are not one of the first to be eaten.

It would be better, if this was true, for you to be one of the last to be eaten. Being last is best with Set, the Snake God. Yes? Perhaps the Set, the Snake God who favors you with sleeping in on Sunday, also has some volunteer work you can do, for brownie points. For privilege tokens. Privilege tokens come in colors, have different redeemable properties, and are amulets.

You want privilege tokens from Set, the Snake God.

Those that do not want privilege tokens, are more likely to be eaten sooner. Their assets (that nice office chair, the stapler, and move that plant) will be yours sooner, and more often, merely by being aware of the actuarial alchemy of the delicate palette of Set, the Snake God. Who is customer, who is chef, who is side order.

Around you, to the extent you have made burnt offerings to Set, the Snake God, you can witness tangible improvements in your life. The boss is getting laid again, and is reasonable. Street criminals have been dragged into garbage compactors. The guy in the wheelchairs’ insurance is going to pay for your bumper, hood, and windshield wipers. Drugs are better and cheaper in the bar. Your enemies are facing extinction at the hands of Darwinian forces. I could go on. And if you had privilege tokens, you could have more of this, more often.

You want privilege tokens from Set, the Snake God.


Now, cleanse your mind with mindless but snappy military music.

One Response to “Victory Coffee”

  1. J.M. Heinrichs Says:

    Not mindless at all!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsip4Q6K5UU

    Cheers

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