Grief Counselors Needed For Defeated Democrat Staffers
Grief counselors are being brought in to help democrat staffers cope with the horrific losses they experienced a few weeks ago at the hands of evil Republicans:
A staffer for a congressional Democrat who came up short on Tuesday reports that a team of about five people stopped by their offices this morning to talk about payroll, benefits, writing a résumé, and so forth, with staffers who are now job hunting.
But one of the staffers was described as a “counselor” to help with the emotional aspect of the loss — and a section in the packet each staffer was given dealt with the stages of grief (for instance, Stage One being anger, and so on).
“It was like it was about death,” the staffer said. “It was bizarre.” The staffer did say the portions about the benefits and résumé writing were instructive.
As The Mayor read this, a steady stream of eye water flowed down his left eye (my right eye tearduct is clogged by a pizza shard in a bizarre accident that took place during poker night a few days ago, so that one actually doesn’t shed eye water – more on that and much more in a future post), for he can imagine what it must feel like to lose an election. It surely would feel like death, I would think.
And since losing an election is akin to death, that means the democrat staffers are probably going through one of the five stages of grief – anger, denial, depression, sneezy and bashful. Any and all of those stages are enough to send any normal person over the edge. “Normal” being the key word.
Fortunately, these are highly trained professionals that lost their jobs, and The Mayor is quite confident that their unique and powerful skill set will land them a job in no time flat. For instance, just the other day I saw an ad in the LA Times for a company that was hiring thieves and pieces of shit. Send resume!