Inside Mitchieville

Merry Christmas, everybody! For those of you who are Christians, this is what a Christmas decorated house looks like. It is, of course, the Mayor’s house, complete with his loyal dog, Warren. Warren spends his days licking his balls, and dreaming of the time when he can go to hang out in Hockey arenas. Such a silly dog. What else is there to do in hockey arenas, for those that lick balls?

This is not jolly Saint Nick. No, it his pagan equivalent, a satyr. Satyrs have a sex drive somewhat more powerful than Julian Assange. They like girls, and sometimes they eat them, which is a metaphor for something else. When you banish Christmas, and welcome Holiday, you welcome in Satyrs, for one. Happy progressives. These spirits are full of mischief and pranks. At least until the next sun sign, Aquarius. I know your activist teachers told you what happens then. Are you ready with the protective spells, summonings, and invocations? I would never presume to consider that you are the magical equivalent of an employment equity hire. That would be racism. I can watch what happens to you in late December; you will be rewarded.

This is from one of my holidays in Buenos Aires. It is supposed to depict Saturnalia. Where is the old man being devoured to feed the new born babe? Oh well, when you celebrate Holiday, you are signing yourself up to be the old man. The Bacchantes will tear you apart, which is a blessing. You never much liked Christianity, so you can be blessed in a pagan tradition. Unless, you know the rituals to avoid such a fate, or for that matter, how to sign someone else up for dismemberment. You did read the bill, did you not? Your signature is on the parchment, but, maybe it is in my handwriting. Oh well. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Enjoy the orgy, and carry a packet of parsley.

Oh, look, the Holiday spirit of giving. I do not know which deity this is. It reminds me of Saturn, but then again, it does have a familiarity with the Tarot key 13. Christians would not approve, but who cares about those racists and earth rapists. This fellow is bringing a present to all you Holiday keepers. Obey the instructions to the letter. Think Pandora, but with your name on the tag. Hand grenades are associated with such types of gifts: you can only use them once, they solve problems, are bad for hangovers, and no amount of training can teach an N-person to use one safely. That is a really good clue.

Here is Yule, one of the female manifestations of Saturn, who rules Holiday. Yule is the protector of unborn children. Unlike Christians, who forgive their transgressors, Yule has them skinned alive, frozen to death, or just choke on their own vomit. You can easily appease Yule if you have some baby blood on your hands. I will just nod agreement at this point, thinking about the ritual you must perform, rather than telling you. You cast off Christ, encouraging others to lose faith (what did Paul say about that?) and now, in this the third harsh winter (three, where does three come in? is that important?) you will have your reward. Lucky you. The Christians get family visits, gifts, and food. What does Yule bring for those she hates? I wonder. Oh well, Yule celebrates re-incarnation. You will go into the body of the animal that suits your personality best. If you like to lick balls, you just might become an old dog, named Warren, owned by the Mayor. And then again, you know all this, or you would not have signed up for a non Christian religion. The solstice has passed, and it is too late for you. Lucky Holiday for you.

Happy Holidays for the damned; Merry Christmas for the elect.

2 Responses to “Inside Mitchieville”

  1. Woody Says:

    Wow. That room is fancy AND schmancy.

  2. Inside Mitchieville | fraserceleb Says:

    [...] Source: [...]

Leave a Reply

Protected by WP Anti Spam