Another Mystery Foot Washes Up In Washington State

Another foot has washed up in Washington State over the Christmas holiday’s, the second in four months. Police are investigating whether or not there is any link between these two feet and the seven that have washed up in British Columbia since 2006:

Authorities in the U.S have been left baffled after a small human foot washed ashore in Washington state, the second to have appeared in the area in four months.

The remains were still encased in a size six ‘OzArk Trail’ hiking boot when it was found at the Tideflats in Tacoma about a week ago.

Police believe the right foot is that of a juvenile or small adult and floated in from either the Puyallup River or Puget Sound.

Our best guess someone in their mid-to-late teens,’ Tacoma Police spokesman Mark Fulghum said, adding that the shoe was sold in Wal-Mart Stores between 2004 and 2005.

In late August, a right foot believed to be that of a woman or child washed up on a beach in Whidbey Island, about 70 miles north of Tacoma.

The Mayor has followed this story very closely over the years, and I can tell you that police are no closer now to figuring this out then when they started 4 years ago.

The Mayor is surprised though that there hasn’t been more forensic testing done on these shoes and feet. I would recommend the RCMP and various other police detachments bring in the foremost experts in this field to have a look at these cases: Dr Scholl’s and Dr Martin.

Remember, it’s vitally important to always stay one step ahead of criminals. If the criminal brings Toasties to a fight, we bring Isotoners. If they bring Crocs, we bring Ugg Boots. If they bring BCBG Max Azria, we laugh and ridicule them because no one in the world should ever wear that cheesy shit.

That’s the way we do it in Canada. That’s the unspoken law of the north.

4 Responses to “Another Mystery Foot Washes Up In Washington State”

  1. DMorris Says:

    I wonder if the authorities have done DNA testing on the feet to determine the ethnicity of the former owners.

    Many theories abound,one being that the feet are the remains of boat people who died en route to paradise,Canada, and were chucked overboard in a “burial at sea” ceremony.

    My first theory,that people were trying to smuggle themselves into Canada one piece at a time, has been invalidated due to the fact that no arms, legs, heads, torsos,or buttocks have floated onto our shores,so it’s back to the old think-tank!

    My second theory,that someone who works in a funeral home,and has a bizarre sense of humour,is chucking the occasional foot into the blue Pacific and having a good laugh at all the publicity it’s gotten.

    But,I may be wrong here,as surely the RCMP have questioned every funeral parlour worker in Canada with,”have you been stealing feet and chucking them into the briny deep”, in the stern and dramatic voice of Sergeant Preston of the Royal Mounted.

    No one could withstand such an assault, and would confess right smartly!

    So, back to the theories…………….

    What’s your theory,Mayor? Fenris? Great minds……..

  2. marc in calgary™ Says:

    None of my relatives work in the funeral industry.

    If the passage to paradise has a few casualties in the big drink, where are the other parts? Are these Malaysian tourists so smelly that by the time the fishes eat the good stuff, that the feet are just too grotesque even for sharks?

    Sometimes I think they’re being floated down the Fraser River and once they hit the Pacific currents, they float back to shore. It’s not the most direct route I know of.
    Not the route I’d take…

    I asked my ex to go rock climbing with me, a few times, she’d never take me up on the “offer”.

  3. The Mayor Says:

    My theory is that we are shipping body parts to China for their consumption. The Chinese are known for eating, and loving little feet. I believe the odd foot falls overboard and is found months later on a beach. One less foot for the Chinese, I say.

  4. Steynian 433st « Free Canuckistan! Says:

    [...] But A Goodie Week; Green Shoots & Leaves 1; We Stand On Guard For Thee; Another Mystery Foot Washes Up In Washington State; Better Than Bum Fights; Mitchieville’s Mad Manic MesmErizing Mystery Movie; The Ministry of [...]

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