Oprah’s OWN Network Does Its Best Titanic Impression

Oprah Winfrey – seen here visually displaying the size of the cheeseburger she ate for breakfast this morning – is quickly finding out that just sticking your name on a network and letting it go isn’t the key to success, as her OWN Network’s rating are dropping faster than Charlie Sheen’s pants at a porn star convention:

After a strong opening at the beginning of the year, ratings for OWN, the cable network joint venture of Oprah Winfrey and Discovery Communications, have declined, with shows with Winfrey’s name in the title remaining its strongest performers.

For its second week, ratings for OWN fell about 20 percent among its target demo of women over 25 years old, according to the New York Post. The average audience in prime time was 310,000 people.

To put that in perspective, 310,000 is about the same number of people that will be diagnosed with rubella in Iceland this afternoon.

For any TV show on the planet, 310,000 is ten stages worse than dismal. I believe the show Jim & His Big Bucket of Salmon which is on at 2:45 am every third Wednesday of every month on Mitchieville Cable 3, draws slightly more viewers than OWN. Mind you, Jim has a big bucket of salmon, while Oprah has to get by with a big bucket of ass.

OWN viewership so far is “a little lower than I’d thought it would be, but I don’t think it’s alarming,” advertising expert Brad Adgate of Horizon Media told the Post.

Not alarming? Who is this guy, the son of the Captain of the Titanic? When does it become alarming, when their ratings drop below Parker/Spitzer?

Gayle King’s daily morning show, a simulcast of her satellite radio show that launched last week, is off to a slow start, with viewership dropping from 154,000 on its first day to 86,000 on day five, according to the Post.

86,000!!?? Holy crap, that aint a TV show, it’s a blog!

And who exactly is this Gayle King unit? Is she Larry King’s bastard child?

The staff at OWN must be terrified for their jobs right now. I mean, if a dumbed-down public won’t watch a bunch of dumbed-down shows based solely on the fact that some dumbed-down degenerate has her fat name attached to it, well then, what the hell has happened to America? Have the terrorists won?

OWN might want to change their call-letters to better reflect where they are headed as a TV network. The Mayor has a suggestion, how about “Pwned.”

7 Responses to “Oprah’s OWN Network Does Its Best Titanic Impression”

  1. Tweets that mention Mitchieville » Blog Archive » Oprah’s OWN Network Does Its Best Titanic Impression -- Topsy.com Says:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheMayor, TheMayor. TheMayor said: The ratings for Oprah's TV Network are in. Does the word plummet have one T or two? http://tinyurl.com/4ztbh4t [...]

  2. DMorris Says:

    “For any TV show on the planet, 310,000 is ten stages worse than dismal. I believe the show Jim & His Big Bucket of Salmon which is on at 2:45 am every third Wednesday of every month on Mitchieville Cable”

    If ya’d quit movin’ the f***ing thing around, ya might get more viewers!

    I never missed “Jim & His Big Bucket o’Salmon” when it was on right after “Bonanza” and even made the effort when it was on just before “Hockey Night in Mitchieville” featuring The Mitchieville Maple Leafs,and EVEN when ya moved the damn thing to Sunday mornings just before “The World Tomorrow with Garner Ted Armstrong” but this last time, ya lost me!

  3. DMorris Says:

    btw, is it just me,or has Oprah’s mouth gotten bigger the last few years?

  4. The Mayor Says:

    Nope, you’re right, her mouth has gotten bigger. She needs a huge mouth in order to cram in my food. That’s the way the morbidly obese operate. It wouldn’t surprised me if she had a mouth extension.

    Ya, when we put J&HBBo’S right before TWTWGTA, we lost a LOT of viewership. Programming error, to be sure. Messed up Jim’s life pretty bad. Wasn’t easy on his salmon, either.

  5. marc in calgary Says:

    It’s easy to find a winner to choose / cheer for in a HNiM broadcast.

    I used to watch fishing shows, for the same reason that “Red Letter” Andy pointed out on his blog the other day… Salmon, king of all fish.

    word.

  6. DMorris Says:

    Say,how come Red Letter Andy’s gone to that “google” type of commenting format? I can’t comment as my Google account is f’ed up and won’t allow me to comment half the time.

    Is it cheaper or something?

  7. The Mayor Says:

    Not cheaper, less spam maybe.

    Try signing in under open ID. That’s the only was I can get it to work.

    Anyone remember the Red Fisher show?

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