Horoscope for the week of

Nothing like a big snow storm to bring to mind the happy vegetarian gods of my ancestors, before the evil Christians came. This is good weather to get together with friends and food and friendship, which is what many of the sagas about Thor and Wotan talk about. Thor is an impressive eater. Wotan brings magic spoons to deserving sous chefs. And we celebrate that when we, likewise, enjoy our Canadian pastime of being snowed in with beer and meat. But what of those Norse gods that lived outside, in the snow? They are called trolls, or more properly, jotuns. That is who is outside in this witches storm. They keep wolves for pets. Listen to their wolves howl outside, right now.

The peak of the storm will come with a Sun – Moon – Mars conjunction in Aquarius. Thirteen degrees of Aquarius, for those counting. It means something big, something that will involve many people (the influence of the Moon), as well as the shedding of blood (the influence of Mars), and in a big way (the influence of the Sun), along with a general theme of mind control devices, astonishing computer software, and ghastly electrocutions (the influence of Aquarius). It is really too late for you to do much about it. You are most likely snowed in. Snug with your cases of X and your tapes of every game the Leafs ever won. And, there is Egypt. You can watch the savages on your television. And look closely: those brutal Egyptian police need to immigrate somewhere, and it just might be an immigrant welcome center near you. They have families, and careers they wish to follow. Stephen Harper needs more Egyptian police. They can settle in Ottawa. But that is in your future. We should talk about the present, the storm, the howling wind that is really wolves, and the mischief that jotuns do.

Many babies will be conceived over the next while. Snow storms do that in Canada. And some babies will be born. There will be heroic convoys of emergency medical services escorting a parade of dashing vehicles, worthy of some pagan celebration of the birth of a chieftain, poet, or wizard. These children born now are always somehow special. They take on the good qualities, the qualities, of their parents, the father, the mother. They take these qualities and magnify them. A magic spell is put on them, like that that made Freya more beautiful, Odin wiser, Thor stronger, and Loki more fun. They are beautiful golden apples.

The wolves are outside, the babies are inside. Who would take a baby out into this howling snow? But the wolves that make that stormy noise are quite harmless, except for the bite of cold. You can, in Canada, easily have warm clothes for baby, even in this sort of witches storm. So, you can take your baby outside, with you when you go outside, to listen to the sound the wolves make, that people think is wind. This would be a good bonding experience, and responsible parenting.

Take your young children outside at the height of the storm. Oh, relax! Indulge in some vice: have a smoke, have a toke, kick the neighbors car. Baby is happy and warm. You could set the neighbors car on fire and nobody would notice. Such peacefulness. Loud as a rock concert, colder than a grave, the serenade of windy wolves. You feel peaceful, and relaxed. This simple thing you do will bring you Luck, the followers of clever Loki say. Why? Because the Jotuns that now roam Midgard rather like human infants. They will give your little tyke a greater destiny. Something exciting and fun. The wolves of the storm will be your little childs’ friend; they will help them to be strong, and smart, and left handed. And they might even take a shine to you.

You can listen to the storm from the inside, in your warm chair, with your plate of cheese and crackers and a good cup of tea. But, outside, it is recess and play time for the Jotun. Aside from the cold, they have no bite. Go out and make new friends. People are outside all the time. Even in this witches storm. Think of those who have to be outside, listening to the howling, howling wind. Why should all the Jotun Luck go to them? It is like playing the lottery, only there is no cost in money. What a deal. You will win more at cards, I promise. Go for a long walk in the storm, impress the Jotun with your rugged athleticism. Take baby, and watch the Jotun smile.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

4 Responses to “Horoscope for the week of”

  1. marc in calgary Says:

    I remember as a kid in Regina, walking home from parties in january while the temperature was a real -30 C. (non-wind chill type temp.) we didn’t put much thought into the wind blowing across the prairies back then, it was 20 – 30 mph everyday although it would often lighten up around 7 am for some reason. The northern boy dmorris likely knows what I speak of here too. The only sounds would be the wind and our gales of laughter as we walked home, dense as posts.
    Even the kids that did the B&E’s for cash and shitty stereos would let up for those weeks when the temps dropped too much for having their kind of fun. I recall a radio announcer once reporting “and no real police activity last night, something to do with the temperature? who knows”.

    We went skating at the outdoor rinks that used coal in pot belly stoves that glowed red, to heat and bend our hockey sticks, and to chase the white spots on our cheeks away after half an hour on the ice. Half an hour on, half an hour in the ice-shack warming up and teasing the girls. Cold as fuck, some of the best memories of my life. I can see those girls sometimes in my mind’s eye and wonder, what happened? Sometimes I return to my old haunting grounds in Regina, Sask, and see the folks I once knew… I bump into them at Superstore™ looking for salad fixings while it’s -30 outside, 2 appear to be outstanding still, while most cry inside wondering if the end of Gaia is upon us.
    I miss the people that choose to live their lives, as opposed to sacrifice themselves for the cause de jour.

    I bet Darcey is hunting still… keep your skills folks, it can be hard to re-learn those lessons.

  2. Buck Says:

    Regina was The Big City for me when I was stationed on the NoDak/Montana/Sask border in the way-back. Well, one of ‘em… Minot ND and Regina were equidistant from Fortuna AFS, where I was stationed. I’ve never seen cold like the sort of cold I saw up there. Sadly, that sort of cold has come to visit for a few days on The High Plains of New Mexico. I think IT misses ME.

  3. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Cheers Buck. I saw some of the archived photos of Fortuna, it snows that far south? :)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fortuna_Air_Force_Station

  4. Steynian 436 « Free Canuckistan! Says:

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