MENSA Teaser
The Mayor had a dream last night that he owned a portable cheese factory on wheels. He took his portable cheese factory to all sorts of functions: parades, bachelor parties, church parties, etc. In his dream, The Mayor had his portable cheese factory in a parade. It was right behind a giant gopher balloon – and not the animal, but the guy who was on The Love Boat – and in front of the Mothers Against The Metric System float.
How the portable cheese factory worked is that there was someone behind the counter and the side of the float opened up to display hundreds of different types of cheeses. Too many to mention, but all the favourites were there. People would walk up to the float – because it was moving so slowly – and order cheese. “I’d like 300 grams of Gouda”, for instance.
The cheese factory was successful, as everyone eats and loves cheese, but something happened after the parade ended that The Mayor can’t stop thinking about. The parade finished and all the floats pulled into a giant parking lot so they could tear their floats down and disembark. For some reason, everyone started to crowd around our portable cheese factory, yet it wasn’t to purchase any of our delicious cheeses.
A large man with a toothy grin and a midget strapped to his stomach stepped out from the crowd and announced that if The Mayor wanted his portable cheese truck released, one of my employees must first prove to a committee of three that they can dance freestyle salsa.
The Mayor remember standing there in stunned silence, as the only employee The Mayor ever had that could freestyle salsa was Cudgel, but he left the portable cheese truck business long ago to open up a portable dairy creamer business. You know those little creamers you get in restaurants? Thank Cudgel for them.
Just when The Mayor thought all was lost, who steps out of the crowd? Cudgel. Freaking Cudgel.
He has a red rose in between his teeth, tight black pants on his long legs, and a crisp white shirt adorning his barrel chest.
“Tonight we dance in hell”, Cudgel proclaimed.
Truth be told, that made no sense. “Tonight we dance in hell?” Seriously, what’s that mean?
Cudgel grabbed his dancing partner – Greta, the one-eyes, sea urchin Romanian prostitute and threw her up in the air. I should also mention that he caught he on the way down.
After a few minutes of schooling the crowd, Cudgel walked over to the portable cheese truck, grabbed a hunk of cheddar and disappeared between the “I Have Cholera” display.
And that’s when The Mayor woke up. Sweating. With a hankerin’ for some cheese.
The Mayor went down to his puter and looked up a copy of The Interpretation of Dreams. He just had to find out what his dream meant. He found a section that described his dream to a tee, and when he came to the final line, the line which explained what exactly the dream was about, he was shocked. It turns out The Mayor has a yeast infection.
It’s true, The Mayor has a yeast infection due to uncleanliness. Who would have thunk The Mayor was such a dirty pig? Hahaha, knock me over with a freakin’ feather, I’m a pig!
And here are today’s MENSA Teaser questions:
1) There are 1200 elephants in a herd. Some have pink and green stripes, some are all pink and some are all blue. One third are pure pink. Is it true that 400 elephants are definitely blue?
Blue elephants? Hahaha, not in Mitchieville, bub!
Good luck to all the MENSA-headed participants who, ahhhh, er, participate in today’s MENSA Teaser. Leave your answers in the appropriate spot and leave your inhibitions with your councilor. You know exactly what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t.
March 25th, 2011 at 9:16 am
No. It can’t be determined that 400 elephants are all blue. But some of them are kinda sad.
The pink ones might be gay.
The Flower is least like the others because It was designed by God but the other items were all created by man.
Except for the Pink elephants, I think they made a personal choice to be pink.
March 25th, 2011 at 9:43 am
Mr Mayor, you’re slipping. You asked the elephant question two months ago, and the answer is till “no”.
As for the choice of the odd word, while we really don’t know who designs or creates flowers (my cousin in Cleveland says that she her unicorn does), “Flower” may be the answer; however, a sound argument can be made that each word is unusual with respect to the other four. This is really an example of a poor question.
March 25th, 2011 at 10:03 am
Are you sure the animal wasn’t a hedgehog the last time?
March 25th, 2011 at 11:18 am
1) Yes, because I was the one who personally hand-painted 400 elephants blue in that weird-ass herd. Say that I am “definitely” lying about that.
2) This is tough, because all five are things that can live and breathe and grow right in front of us. All five are also dead to me. So, I’m in a quandary.
I’m going with poem, because it’s an intangible item. The other four are objects you can hold in your hand, while a poem is something you memorize to recite in front of pretentious prep school douchbags and a predatory Robin Williams.
March 25th, 2011 at 2:33 pm
1. I recall the blue elephants from a few months past. I don’t know if there are 400 blue elephants, not enough information is given. And I don’t know if they taste different.
2. A rabbit will not eat a poem, a novel, a painting, or a statue. But they will eat roses, which are flowers, then they will deny it. Also, nasturtiums are good on tossed salads, but the others are not.
3. Your yeast infection will usually clear up after your next period. Don’t worry about it. Are you sure it isn’t just “thrush” ? … Is it in your mouth? for example…
http://zygotedaddy.blogs.com/zygote_daddy/2006/12/thrush_overenth.html
March 25th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Love cheese, especially Velveeta but you’re way off on the physical description. The teeth are all gone save three, two in the front and one in the back, the barrel chest is concave and the legs are short and spindly. As for Greta her best qualities always come to forefront when she is blind drunk…which is always.
March 25th, 2011 at 9:43 pm
hahaha, cudgel’s drunk.
March 25th, 2011 at 9:44 pm
no no wait, it’s me.
nevermind.
March 25th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
fuck.
March 25th, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Show me someone among the three of us that isn’t drunk.
March 28th, 2011 at 8:51 am
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