The Subversive Consumer

I met up with the Subversive Consumer this last week. There was an angry frown on his face. He needed a no frownie brownie * but he has a job and cannot use the stress coping mechanisms of the tax spenders. They take samples of his urine at his workplace. The trades union movement in this country does nothing about this. They are too busy fighting for progressive causes, like safe injection sites at battered women’s shelters, to bother with worker’s rights. So, the subversive consumer is denied the dope he subsidizes in others. There is no pharmacist between him and pagan worship of the forest gods of anger. The Subversive Consumer has given me his permission to tell you that he worships Set, the Snake God. In a way, this is his testimony. It is also about stupid recycling regulations that harass the people like the Subversive Consumer. Choose wisely which metaphor to follow.

There is no free speech in Canada. The Subversive Consumer told me so as we worked in his kitchen. {The backstory being that the chef he had hired to prepare a banquet to entertain some visiting satraps of Set, the Snake God [which is getting ahead of myself, because giving a banquet to entertain 'satraps' is a good story in itself]; anyway the hired chef had just stormed out the kitchen door in a huff (the story there being that the chef was an atheist and had been drawn into a fight over food prep ) and when the chef left, had wished us good luck and a quick voyage to the underworld; which would be frightening to most people (the chef was menacing a pork tenderloin with a cleaver at the time) except that, as the Subversive Consumer observed later, the underworld is who was coming for dinner. Now the insulted, absconding chef did not know this. It was funny, but it did set the Subversive Consumer on a rant, which is what I want to talk about}. I did not want to disagree with the Subversive Consumer about his theory that there is no free speech in Canada. I did not want to make him angry. He gets angry when disagreed with. Instead, I tried to save the banquet. With the chef gone, who would chop things up?

The gods of the underworld are never frightening to those that serve them. Their presence brings good luck. Medusa is not an ugly witch, but a muse; The Harpies mean more business for your legal practice; The Hydra sinks your competitors merchant shipping; Zombies keep the streets clear of beggars and cyclists. So having the personal representatives of Persephone attend a dinner where the food has been offered up to pagan idols as it is prepared, plated, and eaten, is a good thing. These guests were from Etobicoke, they were women, they ate meat, and we would have sex with them in a ritual that evening.

We do what we do, we just do not tell anyone about it. We do not leave a mess. No screams to disturb the night, no dismembered heads in the washroom trash at the coffee shop, no whispers to the watch dog media. Some of what we do, some people would not approve of. Conveniently, they are, the critics, Christians. What we do is unholy, warned against in Holy Scripture, and denounced by dead white man; which means it is tolerated as part of diversity. We still do not talk about it; the progressives are fickle in their choice of causes that make their hearts bleed. We gather out of sight, form secret combinations, become more numerous, put our believers into better positions of wealth and power, and subvert those that stand in the way of our members financial interests. When you have anonymous sex with some masked fetishist, under the influence of incense, lust, and mumbo jumbo, you grow to trust people. People you can trust, and who you can identify with a secret handshake, an unusual desk ornament, or a coded word. Who needs free speech?

I used a knife to cut off the skin of a potato. The chef had not prepared the potato salad. I went to Lisa’s Kitchen to figure out what to do * , after that, I had a smoke and drank red wine.

I changed the recipe. I wrote some names on the pieces of paper we were going to burn later. I added more salt and black pepper to the potato salad. The Subversive Consumer took the peelings and stuffed them into an empty (but uncleaned) peanut butter jar. He exchanged one of the dolls (for the ritual) with one he had made himself, using the hair of his ex-wife and cloth scraps from her discarded wardrobe. The jar was for recycling; the ex-bitch wife, for the underworld.

Really, if you care about someone, even someone you do not like, who has, perhaps, broken your heart, or swindled you out of vast wealth and the love of your children, then that someone you should offer up in place of yourself, in some sort of sacrifice. Worshipers of Set, the Snake God, believe in the spiritual healing powers of digestion. When your enemies, when those that vex you, are being digested, you feel better. So digestion is important. The socialists talk about eating the rich, but give no thought to the kitchen reality of same. Go to the supermarket to select the apple you wish to stuff in Conrad Blacks mouth. Small, medium, or large? Granny Smith, Macintosh, or Golden Delicious? Or do you wish to eat your meat raw, gnawed off the carcass like a polar bear eating an Inuit? I think about such things, and here I was, after the potato salad, making a mango chutney, just to be eaten off some wenches latex clad belly.

Digestion just does not just happen. Someone has to put the food on the plate, cooked, spiced, and cut into fork or finger friendly sizes. All that work; I did it all; anyway, what the cook had not completed. That I did. Unlike the unionized public sector, I do not have to pay for what they do not do. Paying for what you do not get, some people call that theft. For the spiritual person with a social conscious, unpaid work, extorted benefits, and undeserved pension, they are the parsley and cilantro that makes the digestive work of Set, the Snake God go quicker and better. Think about that as you go about your day. And as for recycling, the Subversive Consumer just follows the third world culture of the places where he throws it.

10 Responses to “The Subversive Consumer”

  1. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Now I’m hungry.

    I read Lisa’s Poppy Seed Muffin recipe and I can’t even think now for want of Poppy Seed Muffins… How many can I eat before the flag goes up for drug testing? I sometimes go on farmer’s market poppy seed loaf binges that last for 2 weeks and I’ll eat a dozen of them without a care in the world. But I’m thinking that shortly some sort of drug testing will come to my work place, which is a new work place for me, and which I don’t want to discuss as it’s unionized, with a few key differences from other unions.
    Anyway, I’m hungry. Not like a hungry sales wolf hungry, Real Hungry.

  2. Mr Fnortner Says:

    Between the poppy seeds and the no-frownie brownies, none of us will pass a drug test for months.

  3. Buck Says:

    We gather out of sight, form secret combinations, become more numerous, put our believers into better positions of wealth and power, and subvert those that stand in the way of our members financial interests.

    Wait. I’m confused. You can do all that but you can’t make The Powers That Be stop forcing you to pee in a bottle? Priorities, Man! Priorities!

  4. marc in calgary™ Says:

    It seems one needs to keep the pee in a zip-lock bag in your underwear so it stays warm, the “nurse” will know if the pee is still cold from your refrigerator.
    Anyways, it’s still $20 for a clean fresh sample.

  5. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    The pee reserve for drug testing technology is well known.

    As for the advantages of secret combinations, I suggest you try them out yourself. Your neighbors are doing it.

  6. marc in calgary™ Says:

    How many samples will u be needing?

  7. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    Let’s go with all of them. Can I use my credit card?

  8. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Apparently yes, yes you can…
    some dayz this entire internet connectiveness amazes me.

    http://www.ureasample.com/

  9. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    Amazing what you can find on the internet.

    Have you read ‘Winston Churchills Toy Shop’?

  10. Steynian 444rd « Free Canuckistan! Says:

    [...] MITCHIEVILLE– Sunday morning, a time to reflect in bed; The Subversive Consumer; Nurse Kate Heals; MENSA Teaser; Rodney Dangerfield’s ‘There goes the neighborhood [...]

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