Dining out with Fenris Badwulf

Set, the Snake God is the most attractive of the worlds pantheon of false religions. Unlike other false religions that push some sort of morality or mythology, the followers of the Green Eyed Serpent are simply in it for self gain, financial interest, lust, and having a good time. For superior value for your false religion dollar, Set, the Snake God is your best deal. What other false religion makes it a virtue to have those you hate fed to a river reptile? have those you lust for kidnapped, drugged, and subjected to your unnatural lusts? have your career and investment portfolio advanced through secret combinations or elevator accident? You need look no further than the meat eating reptile that lives in your subconscious, in the efficient and (unfortunately) autonomic structures of your brain. But before you accept the bag of gold, the lusty whores, the sack of dope of choice, and the adoration of weaker minds, that Set, the Snake God brings to the table, it is best you understand a bit more about the Emerald Eyed Serpent whose acolytes you must come to serve, if you are to be served at the banquet of the temple of Set, the Snake God.

Set, the Snake God is not a god of hate. Heck no. Unlike the competition (the followers of which decline in numbers every day) who push punishment, retribution, vengeance, or justice, our Emerald Eyed Serpent merely eats things because He likes their taste. Are you tasty? Sensible, un drugged, non hypnotized people do not want to be eaten by Set, the Snake God. Better someone else, eh? Someone is going to fall into the wood chipper, someone is going to step into the elevator shaft, someone is going to burst into flames in a microwave accident. Happens all the time. Better that person not be you; even better, that person is someone you do not like, someone who stands in the way of your ambitions, someone who cheated you at cards, or love, or cut you off on the highway. So, since Set, the Snake God is the Supreme Dinner Guest at the Banquet of Destiny, how do we make others and not us the entree d’jour, the appetizer, the desert? This is a good question, and when you make yourself over to the Acolytes of Set, the Snake God, they will instruct you.

Like the Freemasons, the universe of the Emerald Eyed One is composed of three degrees: food, waiter, and chef. Which do you want to be? The happy chef, the indifferent waiter, or the pork chop and ‘taters? Hmmmm? The choice is easy, really. And the lesson is to know how to ladle the gravy onto someone else, decorate them with parsley, and let Set, Snake God do all the heavy chewing with the irresistable force of His Bicuspids.

You can start today. Make the small investment. Go out and buy a cheap package of bacon. Make sure it is the cheap stuff flavored with Maple Syrup, that has lots of fat hidden behind the dyed flesh. Spark up your bar-b-que. Write down a few sample requests on a piece of paper. Say, the names of people you hate, or a simple drawing of someone you wish to shag, or a graph of how you want your stock portfolio to behave. Stuff the request into the greasy bacon, then burn it to char on your bar-b-que. This is a burnt offering to Set, the Snake God. Your neighbors will be delighted at the pleasant scent. The Emerald Eyed One will be drawn to grant your requests. Your honest offering will also draw the attention of the secret society that is the secret combination of followers of Set, the Snake God. They will contact you. You will become rich, powerful, and gorge on sexual pleasures.

It all begins with a burnt offering. As an acolyte, then adept, you will learn how to give herpes to your creditors, inflict telemarketers on your business rivals, and make slow drivers in the fast lane burst into flame at the flick of a microwave beam. And all without legal complications or the notice of the dead eyes of government. You will become a connoisseur of sexual pleasures, even as your sexual organs change shape to your desired image of perfection. Fed your personal list of unwanted souls to the collective digestive system of Set, the Snake God. Find out what you are really getting into after you make the commitment. You will be satisfied. Ignore the warnings of the dead white males of the Christian faith (they are not politically correct, anyway) and offer up some wretch as cutlet and two veg. Your world will be better for it, and Set, the Snake God will smile upon you as chef, which is much better than Set, the Snake God smiling at his plate.

4 Responses to “Dining out with Fenris Badwulf”

  1. marc in calgary™ Says:

    I’d like to be able to recite this verbatim monday morning at coffee break. It’s not like the other’s don’t already have certain opinions regarding my mental state already.

    Really enjoyed this one F.B.

    A new guy started yesterday. Actually, we’re averaging about 5 new guys a work week so its not entirely unexpected. Anyhow he’s a 30 year old plumber / skateboarder with a pony tail so the other’s that have worked with him at other tower constructions sites have stated he’s a white supremacist. He’s on watch by the crew and if he utters anything too un-liberal he’s likely to be canned. Every day someone goes on a rant of how poisoned The Bible (Christian Bible) is or how the Jews control our banking. How everything that’s white and successful is wrong. I’ve been sitting with the fellow from Mexicali Baja Mexico these past few days. He recognizes what success looks like, the reasons he’s here and not in Mexicali, and we agree that the white women the other plumbers have married are perfectly fine in spite of their utter inability to cook, clean house, sew, fuck correctly, are all just right for their men. They are exactly what the others deserve. Get to work you workers / so to speak, help your wife toast some bread for her breakfast, she really does need help with that. Mexicali man was an industrial engineer in Mexico, here he’s a year 2 apprentice plumber. He’ll be just fine until the liberalism sets in.

    The “roughest” of the old time plumbers (he’s off work for 3 days to think about how culturally sensitive he needs to be with those from Lebanon) has been working with him (mexican man), and says he’s really a sharp guy, knows his stuff, and works very well. The so called white supremacist has also worked with the man from Mexicali at other sites, and greeted him as though he was a long lost friend. He likes to work with good men too and the conversation flows easily and uninhibited. Strange that those with Liberal views, hate those white supremacists and mexicans and old time rough plumbers and marc in calgary™ getting on so well at work.
    Divide and conquer and all that…

    My burnt offering, is for the Liberals amongst us, but it’s not for quite how they see the world, nor for success.

  2. marc in calgary™ Says:

    … it is that I hope the Liberals amongst us, are the burnt offering.

  3. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    Who cares about them or their opinion of you?

    Obviously, your attempts to share viewpoints have failed. So, your future efforts to do the same will be futile. Be a good conservative and keep your beliefs to your self. Learn from the left and learn to lie about what you believe. Smile at them like a snake and agree with them that Trudeau the Second is of equal caliber as Trudeau the First. Stop trying to turn the pork chops into the kitchen staff.

    Live in the present and enjoy the delights of the same. The wolves and blizzards and rampaging Visigoths are in the future. And you will have a good few days warning where they will not. Borrow money from them, borrow tools, arrange the coffee pool so that your day to pay follows after the N-people burn the city. There is nothing much else you can do.

    These people, your kith and kin, have shown you disrespect by not respecting your opinions. Are you stupid? Why do they ignore your concerns, or show some crumb of objectivity? Darwin speaks plainly on this. They are already dead. Enjoy their un-dead presence, keep your tears back, and eat the birthday cake, because, somehow, it is likely their last. What will carry them off? Some plague or barbarian you warned about, yes. But they chose the path to the underworld, not you. Be it ‘bedbugs do not carry disease’, or ‘N-people are never violent’, or ‘clitorectomy is feminism’. There are so many horrible fates to choose from, I am sure that Atropos has a gift card from one of those knitting barn franchises.

    Time for you to move on, pilgrim.

  4. The Mayor Says:

    Marc – you are a Canadian treasure.

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