Tell Me Another Story That Goes Nowhere, Grandpa Week

I remember it well, it was the spring of 1922. No wait, it was 23. Nope, nope, it was 1922. Hold on, it was 1923. And it wasn’t the spring, it was summer. I remember because the corn was as high as the belt-buckle on my waist. My belt-buckle was made of wrought iron and manufactured by a company from Poughkeepsie. The man that ran it had a long beard. Went by the name of Johnstone. I always remember that because he wasn’t “Johnston”, but John”stone”. There was a stone at the end of John. And I remember that because at the time I bought the belt-buckle I had a stone in my shoe and the gentlemen that went with me to Poughkeepsie was named John. He was named John after John Whipple, the man that invented time. John *Time* Whipple. He could sure play a mean game of Skadooble, which is now called poker. The Germans renamed Skadooble “poker” in 1798 after the battle of Weinerhooven. Weinenhooven is where Queen Victoria made mudcakes with a small Austrian monk who wore rubber tablets around his ears to keep the wind from affecting his air passage. That same monk later died of food poisoning from eating a bad batch of chocolate chip cookies. He was buried in an animal graveyard and people to this day still pay good money to go see his grave and urinate on his tombstone. That’s an Austrian tradition started by Ethiopian folk singers that use to travel the middle east on ancient ski-doos. They had to stop because the desert sand kept wrecking the ball-bearings in the tires. I once had a tire that was as big as dining room table. Same shape, too. I use to roll the tire up and down the street and even rolled it during the Wibberneir parade back in 19 dickity doo. That parade had a float in it that was dedicated to the gonorhea. Bad at the time. It use to make men’s cocks fall off. Their testicles would shrink to the size of blazburries. That’s a small fruit ugly women eat to get shinier teeth. I have a collection of teeth…

To be continued…

One Response to “Tell Me Another Story That Goes Nowhere, Grandpa Week”

  1. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Is that the guy from The Cure album from a long time ago in my past?

    I thought this week was Dalmatians Weak? Is this your change-up?

    or what?

    His teeth don’t look very good, is he english?

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