Inside Mitchieville

Mitchieville Public Library is running its annual Smoking awareness month this August. We got a bucket of money from various levels of government, and a significant fraction of the dough is actually going to things vaguely related to smoking. We bought smokes for the staff, for one. Lynxia here, a librarian at the Happy Mitchieville Mall branch is here enjoying a smoke break. She already knows the evils of smoking; doesn’t everyone know the evils of smoking? Why waste money telling people what they already know? If you are over six years of age and don’t know, you are stupid. If you want to spend money telling people what they know already, you are a socialist thief. Enjoy your smoke, librarian.

Everyone seems to be distancing themselves from Andrew Berwick. But since all Christians, Freemasons, and other varieties of non-Communists are all serial mass killers anyway (rapists, racists, homophobes, etcetera), it must be a clever ploy to lure the Bolsheviks into a false sense of security. It is summer, the season of mocking Christians, Freemasons, and non-Communists. What better way to convince the Bolshevik organization you are infiltrating that you are one of them? Keep your job too. You can also support cuts to the police budget, and gun control. The next time you see Christ mocked, smile at the Dumm-Dumm activists.

Under hypnotic trance, people say that they like smoking because they like to set things on fire and watch them burn. So, a great way to get people to stop smoking is to give them opportunities to set things on fire and watch them burn, as long as the tobacco plant is not involved. Some people have an oral fixation; this too can be transferred onto other objects. If you have your wench paint her lips with flavored lip gloss, you can make great strides in smoking abatement. A better quality flavored body paint can widen the experience. Have the body scented with something citrus, a roaring bonfire for romance in the background, and voila, your urge to smoke is forgotten! Seminars on this will be held at the Mitchieville Public Library: bring your credit card in case you want to buy something.

Watching things burn can be dangerous. At Mitchieville, we have trained facilitators to assist you in your quest for smoking abatement. Why suffer in silence, surrounded by yapping dumm dumm activists when you can find friends and like minded people? Come to the Mitchieville Public Library. Margaret Atwood might show up * * .

Not everyone can quit smoking. You have to be a good friend and be supportive. Sit beside them and listen to them ramble, before they open their heart to you about their real concerns. You lean in closer, and nod your head to agree, offer up a your hand in hand in companionship, even as you, close as a wolf to his sheep for dinner, can scent their perfumed body and watch their painted lips move over their words. It is part of caring, to care, to be there, to provide warmth in the night, and a clean towel in the morning for the shower; and a vegetarian breakfast, even if you have bacon and eggs handy. Then, with the farewells on the porch, take something and set it on fire, and watch it burn. As the flames consume, so the spirit entwines. So, pilgrim, find something to burn: it will help you and others quite smoking, and watching things burn is so uplifting in a world filled with ability challenged socialists, their subsidized voters, and the angry tax payers that sublimate their desires into smoking.

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