The Most Stolen Food Item Is…

Giblets. Ya, The Mayor couldn’t believe it, either. Giblets!

What’s that? It isn’t giblets? It’s what? Really? Go figure…

Cheese has been labeled a “high risk food” because it is the most stolen food item across the globe, according to a report.

Shoplifting and organised retail crime cost the UK high street an estimated £4.9m during the past 12 months, according to the Centre for Retail Research.

Theft is a growing concern for shop owners and the amount of stolen retail goods increased by 6.2% in the year to July.

Food products are amongst the most targeted products, with cheese topping the list.

The Mayor once saw a grocery store owner chasing a fromage thief through a parking lot, yelling “That’s nacho cheese, that’s nacho cheese!!” The grocery store also knew the thief by first name – Colby – and even though he screamed his name and chased him, Colby got away. He was a gouda runner. They did eventually catch Colby, and he was taken to the station and processed. He didn’t admit what he did at first, but the po po milked the truth out of him. Colby figured he butter come clean,

Most people would think the French would steal more cheese than any other nationality, but they would be wrong – it’s actually the Kurds, by  the whey. The Kurds love cheese. As a matter of fact, they love cheese so much that it’s not uncommon to see a Kurd edam up 2-3 pounds of cheese a day. That’s why the average Kurd looks like Thurman Munster.

The thing is, cheese thieves must be stopped and punished. Sometimes when they steal cheeses they leave a terrible mess. You’ve never seen such de brie. Some thieves steal cheese because they think cheese is a slimming food and they simply want to chedder a few pounds. Cheese is anything but slimming, and it’s obvious these thieves didn’t caerphilly study this topic. Thieves tend not to be the grate’est minds on the planet. After all, cheese can really philly you up.

4 Responses to “The Most Stolen Food Item Is…”

  1. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    Giblets are pretty cheap, usually the cheapest form of meat found on the counter.

    Obviously, the most vulnerable of our society are effecting social change and social justice by stealing what is really theirs, by right, er, left, of emotionally based reasoning.

    These Red-Orange-Green voters should be supported by the Blue ones, that way there are more of them to vote for more taxes.

    On a side note, Mayor, I hope your broken arm heals quickly, as that is the only excuse I can think of as to why you do not respond to my e-mails.

  2. Mr Fnortner Says:

    I’m trying to make a joke about cutting the cheese here, and failing miserably. So I’ll just plant the seed of a potty joke, and let the puerile among us snigger quietly.

  3. J.M. Heinrichs Says:

    Unable to cut the cheese, he was summarily creamed. Of life, it was a slice.


  4. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Are those really giblets?

    They look like prostate glands to me.

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