Aries: Watch out for the fireworks on Thursday. Work will be combined with pleasure leading up to this ka-boom where a conflict between eros and financial planning will push you into a choose one or the other. This love will be a sparkling object, with an aura of diamonds. You will be torn, choose where you want the bruises.

Taurus: You will win the lottery this week. You will perform a kindness for a stranger which will cause the Goddess of Fortune to smile upon your works. On the down side, you will eat too much this week and gain weight.

Gemini: You will be tempted to switch the bosses medication, but wait till the end of the week when you can take advantage of his being awaiting remand to upgrade your performance review to something more likely to get you his job.

Cancer: Your commute on Monday and Tuesday morning is filled with the sights of burning wreckage, machete armed mobs of never workers, and possibly a deer grazing by the roadside. Things get better after lunch on Tuesday, when someone marked for greatness buys you lunch.

Leo: People continue to act crazy around you. Do not drink the water at work. A stranger in the elevator will complain of hearing voices; tell them that you will turn down the music. Your call to a radio talk show will get through.

Virgo: Your invitation to join the Hands of Justice Lodge is speedily approved. Welcome to the secret society life! Make a list. Soon, it will be Garbage Day: time to take out the trash.

Libra: Good fortune smiles upon you; but when you are half asleep you will realize that Good Fortune is watching you while you sleep, which is a little creepy. You will be entertained by a skilled lover who worships you for more than just your hidden talents; you have talents hidden from yourself to be discovered. Watch the bruising above the neck.

Scorpio: Your application to join the Cotton Growers Association is speedily approved. Of course, you need to buy a new hat for the event. Some things are best kept secret from the peasants; but help yourself to their money.

Sagittarius: Some one suspects that your deeply held inner opinions are kept secret because you do not much like, uh, certain market sectors, for various reasons. You could explain, but why bother. This is a week for action, not talk.

Capricorn: You are a bloody minded tyrant, but that is just people being envious of your direct methods, proven track record of success, and eye for the big picture. Opposition to your plans will be eliminated, and another check point is reached on your plan of total world domination.

Aquarius: Your opinions and brilliant plan will have to wait for resources and reality to catch up, which will happen next week, unfortunately. People should agree with you faster if they know what is good for them.

Pisces: A small animal, a house pet say, becomes possessed by a spirit from the infernal regions. You are called upon to banish this noxious entity, but will win the affection of a grateful patron.

Confidential to Helmut in Burlington: An evening that ends with loss of memory, a crack whore with a broken nose, and heartburn from too much fast food, is not to be considered superior to an evening of opera with a courtesan, a night of marathon sex, and roast lamb.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 29th, 2012 at 6:29 pm and is filed under Horoscope. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.