Fenris Badwulf caring person

I am filled with angst and tears course down my cheeks in my capacity as over paid, over pensioned, and over benefited Overgroupleader of Human Resources here in Mitchieville. Every reporting period sad tales of human degradation cross my desk; forms are filled, and government checks fly like snow from the Mount Olympus of Money, the marbled palace of the Gods of Those Who Tax and Spend. What could be sweeter to those who eat other people’s honey than to discover a new need that calls out for a new program?

Dumglubguh is a new employee at Mitchieville, thanks to a government program that pays for the hiring of stupid and incompetent staff. I will not explore Dumglubguh’s lack of credentials (except those from the dumbed down education industry), his lack of social skills (more indicative of a primate successful in fighting hyena like scavengers for rotting carcass leftovers than your average payroll department), nor his questionable morality (an untouchable subject in this day and age of feminists who champion women’s rights to wear potato sacks; queers who champion homophobic religions; and N-people who seem determined to discover the hot button that triggers a vast, well organized, efficient, extermination of themselves). Instead, let me explore the terrible new social need for a new social program, a veritable extended family of new social programs; indeed, an entire No Dad city of bastard spawned social derelicts of new social programs, unseen since last years birthing of socialist social services sector steering committee report. Dumglubguh came to my Human Resources office in tears; he needed my help; he needs your money. And what is this new social crisis? I will let Dumglubguh explain it in his own words…

I came home last night and my woman was out of control, he said through the tears, ‘I came home last night and she was into the laxatives again.’

Laxatives? I asked, pausing only to strike up a cigar and take a sip of Napoleon Brandy (I am successful in my program to quit smoking cigarettes; and for the two hundred a week the government pays for my stop smoking cigarettes campaign, I peel of a few doubloons for cigars and brandy). Do tell, I said in my most encouraging voice, thumbing the hidden on button for the video and audio recording systems (for the pay site).

Dumglubguh continued his tale of need, She takes laxatives. It started with the constipation she had over the Festival of Welfare Spending that is Canadian Holiday, she bought a package of I forget the name. They worked, but she never stopped taking them. My sex life improved. But then I found out she was mixing the laxatives with fiber supplements. And then it was prunes and bran blender’d together into a smoothie.

I nodded, not really paying attention. But I got a text on my cell from someone watching the live feed on the pay site, which meant revenue, so that got my attention. What was this guy saying?

… the benefits plan does not cover laxatives. The doctor, who is covering for my family physician who is out on maternity, does not speak a second language that I am fluent in, and neither him nor I speak English good enough to communicate with each other anyway…

Have you ever been to a casino?
They always have an office dedicated to gambling addiction. Like that does anything but give jobs to the useless types of primates that the government is forced to give jobs too because they are predictable voters for the government. So, why doesn’t the government start up another useless spending initiative, but for laxatives? There would be brochures, ad space in the unread main stream media, and a bunch of majors in useless university arts programs created to staff management positions in the laxative awareness socialist social services sector?

… her rectum has prolapsed … this brings great shame in our culture … the government must pay for a orangutang and a octopus to be sacrificed or the tribal gods of my village will be angry and the spaghetti crop will fail …

Dumglubguh went on and on, and not a penny of employee benefit money went out of the Mayor’s iron purse. All I could think about were the exciting money making opportunities for some smart activists to gorge on tax payers money. Laxative addiction, a new social ill that people have been ashamed to talk about until now, when the state is hiring hundreds of unemployable feather brains, into no effort high pension positions.

I, Fenris Badwulf, I care. *

One Response to “Fenris Badwulf caring person”

  1. Thurston Howell III Says:

    Vote Badwulf 2012

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