Taking advantage of the Old Ways

I was having dinner with some recent initiates into the cult of Set, the Snake God. Everybody loves the cult of Set, the Snake God, the falsest religion that exists. I was telling the new members how everybody can enjoy the simple pleasures that Set, the Snake God has set aside for everybody. * . The greater pleasures are, of course, reserved for the followers of Set, the Snake God. Even the most casual worshiper of the Great Scaled Serpent can savor the delights of the sure knowledge of an afterlife of luxury and sloth. One uses sympathetic magic to prepare your mansion of the after world. A few figurine cows indicates livestock; some pigs, some chickens. Some figures of men indicates you will have servants, which implies superior cash flow. Indeed, you can prepare a plantation of happiness for yourself, your family, in the next life. For followers of Set, the Snake God, this is a great comfort, this use of necromancy to provide a feather bed in the after world. But it gets better …

The ancient Egyptians taught that you could prepare a great estate for yourself in the after world. Your tomb could contain a few simple amulets and icons and images that would give you a rich plantation existence in the here after. In your afterlife, where do you want to live? A plantation, with servants and rich possessions? Of course you do: and you can have those things if you prepare. As a caring person (I am Fenris Badwulf, and I care), it is my duty (as this years Prefect of Hades in the Etobicoke Chapter of the cult of Set, the Snake God) to provide feedback to cult members on their selection and arrangement of amulets and figurines in their after life diorama.

The rule of three. A little girl included this picture in her after life diorama. I looked into her innocent eyes of baby blue, while a tear formed in my own left eye. Little girl, do you want lots of farm critters? Yes, the little girl said. I smiled, you can have lots and lots of farm animals when you have three of a kind in your afterlife diorama. The rule is the rule of three: three is indicative of the plural in the ancient egyptian language. Three cows makes a herd.

Economic reality. Sure you have a herd of cows. Sure, you have a shiny John Deere tractor. You are a big farmer in the after world. Unlike the unfortunates who have not heard the good news of Set, the Snake God and come to the after life with their lips sewn shut. Big Farmer: did you take into account your staffing requirements? Your barn: does it include seed, fertilizer, pesticide, as well as hay, straw and oats? Should you not have a suitable plantation house prepared, or do you intend to sleep in the barn? These subtle aspects of Economics of the After World are an open book for the followers of Set, the Snake God.

Thought experiment. You do realize if you want an army in the after life, you need three soldier figurines. But did you realize that you might need a cadre of Non commissioned officers, a logistics column, and heavy weapons. You do not want to get caught with your pants down, so you think your way through the problem. You assemble your Legions of Order, your chancellor, your constable, your secretary. All is content in your plans for aggrandizement, expansion, and aggression in the after world. Calm comes to your heart, your liver is steady state, your lungs find refreshment, but your stomach and intestines are gripped with a faint gurgling.

If you are afraid to know the truth, stop reading here. Your status in the after world will soon reflect on your status here. If you are a Czar of Industry in Elysium, what does this imply for your worldly status in your days before the Great Digestion? Many of the adepts of Set, the Snake God have noticed how their worldly status in the present life is improved in proportion to the status they have claimed for themselves. William Monkey, an accountant and faithful follower of Set, the Snake God told me that he received a promotion at work, a better parking spot, and a key to the third floor washroom only weeks after he purchased the Warlords Hold figurine set from myself, Fenris Badwulf. He eagerly upgraded to the Robber Baron’s Fortress only today; can news of his business rivals succumbing to bed bugs not be far behind?

Unleash your inner desires; welcome Set, the Snake God into your life. Send me your money. You can select the figurines, curios, broken coffee cups, whatever; that you wish to use to create your future paradise. I, Fenris Badwulf, well send you the magic scroll you need to complete the spell that will bind you closer to Set, the Snake God. I care. I care about your future happiness in the after world; I care about the reflected glory you will wallow in in the present. Send me a picture of your future life diorama: I will consult the Secret Oracle, reference the Books of Forbidden Knowledge, and compose the prayer that you need only burn to bind yourself to the coils of Set, the Snake God. What a deal! The sound you hear is opportunity knocking! Hurry! Availability is on a strictly first come, first served basis.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

One Response to “Taking advantage of the Old Ways”

  1. marc in calgary™ Says:

    Eto bi cock. Etobicoke. Eat o bi cock. Etobicoke. Eat a bi cock. Etobicoke.

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