Revisiting The Mayor’s 2012 Predictions
If you were wondering if The Mayor was going to take some time this year to look back on his last years predictions for 2012, you can stop wondering right this second because yes, that is precisely what The Mayor is going to do tonight.
The Mayor will make his predictions for 2013 sometime in the very near future (tomorrow seems right), but tonight he will comb through the treasure chest of 2012 predictions he made around the same time last year. So far, in just two puny paragraphs, The Mayor has manged to use the word *predictions* three times. While not a record, it is still very impressive.
Like your ex wife in the sack, some of The Mayor’s predictions were God-awful, some were kind of okay, while others were dynamite. The Mayor isn’t saying your ex wife could from time to time light up your world with explosive sex, because let’s face it, that hound can’t hunt. Sure, that made little to no sense, but The Mayor is pretty drunk and your ex wife is a dirty slut.
Let’s get some of those predictions into ya:
- The Bruins will win Lord Stanley’s Cup again.
- The Yankee’s will win the World Series
- New Orleans will win the Super Bowl
- The American housing situation will continue to decline, with prices falling another 6% yoy. Housing starts will be the softest on record, stagflation will kick housing squarely in the testicles, everything will bounce along the bottom for the foreseeable future.
**All that could quite possibly be true. We are told that housing has improved, but keep in mind that is coming from the same people that say Obama isn’t a Moslem and that Pier’s Morgan is one hell of a good journalist. That’s one for The Mayor.
- Countries that will become super bubbleicious and will pop like the overripe zits on a McDonald’s employee’s face, include: Canada, England, China, Australia, New Zealand, Denmark
**When The Mayor made that prediction, he forgot to include the part that the bubbleiciousness was being referred to in each countries housing sector. And with that in mind, The Mayor was again kind of right, in a not right/not wrong, sort of in the middle, do the hokey pokey and shake it all around kind of way. That’s another one for The Mayor.
- 2012 will be the year of the downgrade for Europe. Every last stinking Euro country will be downgraded at least one peg, including Germany and France.
**Germany still hasn’t been downgraded, but most Euroscum countries have been. Maybe England hasn’t been as well. And Moldova. And Togo. Togo is in Europe, oui?
That’s a solid prediction come true, The Mayor is merrily rolling along on his steamtrain of truth (???)
- there will be no defaults though, kicking of the can will continue
**True as. SCORES!
- at least one regional war will break out. Look for it to be Albania and Serbia
**To be fair, when The Mayor made that prediction, he had just snorted 15 crushed percocets.
- The American $$$ will hold steady throughout most of the year
- Oil will rise to $120 a barrel only to settle down to $70 by December
**Close on that one. Oil did rise to $140, and at one point was about $60, and is now at about $87 ish, so whatever.
- Interest rates will remain at or near zero
**Bang on. Get the kid a lollypop.
- Mitt Romney will win the GOP nomination, making the liberal media happier than a pig in shit, as getting Romney nominated is what they have been pushing for from the beginning. Bob Dole, McCain, Romney. Win win win all the time for liberals.
**The best prediction The Mayor has ever made. It was also the easiest prediction The Mayor has ever made. Remember, if you ever want to find out the shittiest candidate the republicans can ever field, look to see who the msm is supporting when the nomination process is taking place.
- Obama will win in 2012
**Stole the election and American Conservatives said not a word. Look at the precincts that voted 115% Obama, not a single vote cast for Mittens. Wonder how the Repubs could lose Florida when the day before they were up 6%?
- The senate will go GOP and they will also win more house seats
**1/2 and 1/2. Like the creamer The Mayor enjoys in his free trade coffee every morning.
- Justin Bieber will shot in the hip by an insane 17 year old girl
**Nailed it. Well, not quite. BUT, there was talk of a Colombian drug cartel that wanted to kidnap him and saw off his nipples with an old Makita bench saw.
- Ontario will get another ratings downgrade, austerity measures will be brought in, and it will all be blamed on Rob Ford and Mike Harris
**That’s a scary good prediction. Anything concerning money or drug mules and The Mayor is all over it like poo on Pier’s Morgans soiled ladies undergarments.
- The Leafs will not make the playoffs
- The Japanese economy will implode. Also, more reactor problems will occur at Fukishima
**That’s pretty well true, both parts. The Japanese are truly Fukishima’d. The Mayor got that right.
- The middle east will erupt, with Israel bombing Iran, Gaza and parts of Syria. This will happen in August.
**Take away the August part and The Mayor nailed that one. Okay, take away the Iran bombing part as well. Although, saying the middle east will have conflict is like saying Michael Moore will eat sugary foods tomorrow. Duh!
- The Mayor of Mitchieville will be embroiled in a political poo storm that will see many of his members of cabinet sacked, or shot. But not Fenris. He just becomes more powerful every day
** Eerily true. Look who pulls the strings in Mitchieville. Huh, you thought The Mayor meant Fenris? Have you been injecting motor oil into your eye socket? Get real.
Some of those predictions were truly terrible, but there were a few gems in there. You just have to look closer. No, closer than that. Closer. Even closer. Is your face right up against the monitor? It is? BOOOOO!
Hahaha, that freaks stoners’ out every time.
Tomorrow The Mayor will be back with his predictions for 2013. Don’t forget to Tweet this post, The Mayor counts on traffic that will only show up once and never come back again.