The Mayor Reviews Movies
Lock Out – Starring Guy Pearce and Maggie Grace. Some ex-CIA guy (Pearce) has to save the President’s daughter after she was taken hostage by prisoners that reside in a prison situated in outer space. Pearce fights…a lot. He shoots….a lot. He makes wise-cracks….a lot. He does a lot….a lot. In the end, as you can imagine, everything turns out not too shabby. If rated out of 10, this movie is a solid 5.8. If rated out of 100, it’s still a 5.8.
Captain America -Starring Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones and a bunch of other faces. A terrifying force attacks the good ole USA, and the only person to stop them (other than regulations and big signs that say *Gun Free Zone*) is Captain America. Hoorah! He fights, he does this and that, and he does the other, all to save the USA from evil invaders. What were the democrats doing as this was going on? Defending the enemy. Because liberals are traitorous filth.
Contagion- Starring Matt *Dumbass* Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Kate Winslet and Gwynneth Paltrow – A lethal airborne virus basically kills everything in its path, and it is up to this team of pathetic liberal scum to save the universe and come up with a cure. At least that’s what The Mayor thinks happens. He doesn’t actually remember this movie, but he does know that Paltrow and Damon are two of the scuzziest creatures ever to step foot on God’s green earth. C’mon virus!
In Time- Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried – Currency is time and when your currency is finished so are you. Get it? Currency is life time, and you get x amount of currency which equals time. When your currency runs out, your life runs out. So like, time is currency, currency is time, when your currency expires, so do you. That’s freaking deep, and you’re lucky to have The Mayor here to explain it to you. This is a decent movie, and compared to the rest of the crap above, it’s pure Oscar material.
Thor- Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman and some other actors/actresses – Thor gets banished from wherever he’s from and has to go to earth. Then something else happens, he has to find a hammer or something, his brother comes down and disrupts everything and gets into Thor’s grill, blah blah splutter barf. It sounds like crap, but the movie is actually very enjoyable. Except for Natalie Portman, she is useless in this movie. She should have made Thor a sammich and then went to Shutthehellupville and died.