Celebrating Kwanzaa at Christmas in Mitchieville
Just who the heck is Chris Spence anyway? He must be Chief Spence’s cousin. You know who Chief Spence is: the fat indian who gets fatter on hunger strike, thanks to the secret wisdom of our indigenous first primates. Chris Spence must be one of them. There is so little information in the main stream media that I am forced to turn to the blog-o-sphere to find information. I guess the serial plagiarism, the serial failure of academic oversight, and the serial failure of leftist hiring committees, is not important. Those activists, they are ability challenged, after all. So, I am not here to consign Chris Spence to the flames. That is only for people who are not leftists. Chris Spence, who ever he is, is a darling of the Bolsheviks, protected by the silence of the like minded embedded in academia, media, and administration. (You know, the academics who failed to do their job and spot the plagiarized Ph.D; the media whose eyes were gummed shut by white guilt and failed to do their job and spot the hacked writing; the administration who failed to do their job and vet the credentials; those like minded leftists; those ones). No cleansing fire for you, Spence. Instead, I come here to copy his methods. My nephew, Gluten Badwulf, has a school assignment due for Kwanzaa; and I am going to write it for him, by copying good stuff from the internet. Thank you, Chris Spence, Bolshevik primate role model.
The assignment was late, of course. Gluten’s dad, my brother (so Gluten is my nephew if you follow white racist traditions) received a phone call at home. Luckily, I was able to answer the phone and handle the situation. My brother has a bad temper, he has to pretend to be a progressive in his job, so he has developed a homicidal hatred for all things patchouli. Luckily, my nephew had given my phone number as his home number, not his own, real phone number. Good show on the school administration to not catch on to this deception after, oh, what is it now, six years? Thank you, Chris Spence, that we can copy your methods.
Anyway, the assignment was late. Young Gluten was supposed to do a report on his families Holiday rituals and how they emphasize world peace, global warming, and recycling awareness. Unfortunately, our family celebrates Christmas, not Holiday. Mentioning Holiday around Gluten’s dad is a great way to bring the Crusader out of him, unless you have a death wish and want to have your arm torn out of its socket. Lucky leftist teacher, your death warrant is still unsigned; instead, I, Fenris Badwulf, will plagiarize an assignment for Gluten Badwulf.
Hobbits are always a safe theme to appeal to the activist world view. I suggested to young Gluten that we make up a story that, in our family, we all have Hobbit names. The selection of our Hobbit names is done at Christmas, er, Holiday, er, Hobbit Holiday, and sets the world peace-y, global warming-y, and recycling-y, theme of our family Hobbit Holidays. Gluten was too engaged in his computer game ( Space Morgul ) and readily agreed to what I was dashing off for this part of his assignment.
Hobbit Names, get one. The queers next door can be Mister Carrot and Mister Cucumber. That fat farter on the bus can be Mister Cabbage. If you drive, those incompetents who drive slow in the fast lane can be the Turnip family. For first names, suitable herbivorous animal names can be included, provided such critters can be found as plushie toys or Disney characters. Rat Carrot is not acceptable, whereas Mouse Carrot is. Do you have a Hobbit name? You just might to make one up for cut and paste thesis creation.
Hobbits live in a gun free zone. This is why they are extinct, digested a long time ago by Orcs. Do not mention that to the teacher, I told Gluten. He was having a game crisis: his empire had run short of Plutonium, and he had insufficient Opium to raise the happiness level to offset the famine effects. Did he even hear me? Did it matter? With such a layer cake of activists as we have, with Chris Spence class plagiarists, with supporting layers of see no leftist evil admin, academia, and OISE, does reality really matter provided the first page looks and smells patchouli?
I asked Gluten if his school had any standards about plagiarism. Foolish question. Of course they have standards. I should have asked are they enforced? and, against whom? As long as my darling nephew Gluten Badwulf has the outer appearance of some goof activism, the cutting laser of leftist critique will avoid him. His classmates can laugh at instructor Che as he swallows, slurps, the ridiculous idea that the family of Badwulf celebrates Hobbit Holidays, with Hobbit names.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
You may share your hobbit name in the comments.