Remembering Aaron Swartz

Who the heck is Aaron Swartz? I know he is dead. And, he is important enough to have his own wikipedia article. Wow. Who is this guy? I was just surfing the net, checking out one of those mouth pieces for the tenured ivory tower activists who tell the working class which of themselves should get more funding. They are in a tizzy over the death poor of Aaron Swartz, who ever the heck he is.

So, how did Aaron Swartz die? The early reports made no mention of the manner of Aaron’s death. The Global Warming consensus was to blame MIT, so if MIT was as responsible as an assault rifle left in a car for a massacre, then I want to know what sort of slaying MIT had engineered. I hunted high and low for details. Did Aaron cut his own throat? Perhaps he shot himself in the head with a shotgun? Did he wash down a bottle of pills with a bottle of Pilsener? Maybe he squirted some bug spray onto his skin and offed himself that way. Who knows? I checked my favorite autopsy photo sites, sent e-mails to fetish clad, basement dwelling regular readers of this blog, and even went so far as to contact the Telemarketer’s Tong to see if they had any details. Only this morning, in the Red Star did the truth become unveiled: Aaron Swartz hung himself. Here I was looking for a campaign to restrict knives, shotgun slug ammunition, opiates, or Pilsener. Instead, the Red Star blames the prosecutor; the consensus before was MIT. One question answered (not completely; I still want to look at the Coroners Video of crime scene and autopsy), but another one raised: who is responsible?

At the murder scene, we want to know. We have two villains, MIT and the prosecutors. MIT can be cast as the axis of evil scientists; the prosecutors, well, the name speaks for itself. The prosecutors are the evil non-bastards who put that disproportionate number of bastard N-people in prison for no good reason other than they were caught and convicted. Racists, obviously. Both of them (Does MIT have a proportionate share of N-people, Lesbians, and other Pox-Americans? Surely not; and we do not need to go into the over representation of Israeli Jews masquerading as Diaspora Jew Liberals). Both are equally evil. But which to blame? Which one gave the rope to Aaron? Which one showed him the link to the hangman’s knot interactive site? Who knotted the rope around Aaron’s neck, made it secure to something strong, got him up to stand on that tacky office chair, and then kicked it out from under him. Most suicides are bungled. The knot slips. The rope pulls off the support and the suicide falls to the ground. The tacky office chair reminds the suicide of reasons to life. Not this time. Who kicked the chair and watched Aaron swing? His hands were not tied (usually evidence of murder) so Aaron must have twitched around. He made a lot of noise. The reality of death makes most suicides change their minds after the leap. Aaron would have kicked and flailed, at least for five minutes. Who kicked the chair and watched Aaron swing?

No mention in the reports about Aaron’s love life.
Will his grieving girl friend be present at the funeral? Or was she a finace? But Aaron was a progressive. Does Aaron like to suck cock? Er, did Aaron. The inquiring mind wants to know. I can find no mention of romance in Aaron’s life. Was he a solitary, someone who only found love with himself? Did he find satisfaction in masturbation? The progressives pushed masturbation back in the hippie era, as a cure for Christianity. Masturbation requires pornography, and the internet is filled with smut. I wonder what images Aaron favored. Surely Wikileaks will out Aaron’s taste for transvestites dressed as Nancy Reagan in red.

Aaron’s love life is important, getting back to murder. Face it, it is the people we love that kill us. They often try to transform the murder to a suicide. I know Aaron is a progressive, and the progressive media never reveals inconvenient facts about their intellectual bed mates; and the silence of the media points to the complicity of someone close (kinda like ‘youth crime’ is always a white wash of N-person crime). You can only get so far giving the media a pass based on incompetence, stupidity, or ability challenged employment equity hiring practices. Sometimes the stupid incompetents in the media get it right, er, left, and manage to hush up something worth hushing up. So, I want to know about Aaron’s love life. If he had one. Because, you know, it could be erotic asphyxia.

It would help to know what Aaron was wearing when he hanged himself. Was he dressed as Little Bo Peep? Was he holding his penis? Erotic asphyxia needs to be investigated. Brought out of the closet. People need to have their consciousness raised over the lack of societies acceptance of this alternate lifestyle. Queers are out of the closet. Trial balloons are being raised for pedophilia, necrophilia, and fat acceptance: Aaron could be the activist that helps his fellow man, woman, and other gendered, from the grave. Given the stupid incompetence of the media, we may have to wait for the Coroners video to make it to the internet for resolution of this one.

The shame culture is gone. I thought it was. Supposedly the shame of going to prison made Aaron jump off his office chair. Shame? Like who has shame these days? It used to be shameful to collect welfare and unemployment benefits, go to food banks, or accept charity. Now we have white-blacks getting busted for spitting. I find it hard to believe that a dedicated cadre of the people’s revolution would be afraid of going to prison. In prison he would be with his N-people brothers, along with the other victims of white right wing Christian society: queers, income redistributors, and non consensual sex activists. Sounds dreamy. Aaron, the activist, should want to go to prison. Why would any progressive not want to go to prison to speak up for Climate Justice?

Murder or Suicide? Like the weepy eyed progressives who blame the assault rifle in the car for the killings done by the pistol in the school, I am bemused that anyone could think the death of Aaron Swartz was anything but murder. The story that Aaron was a bondage/asphyxia fetishist has no play in the media, which means it is true. The reality that prison is a sexual fantasy for many progressives, likewise. Could it be that Aaron was overcome with panting progressive desire for his future years of sexual satisfaction at the hands of non white prison inmates that he went a little bit too far in his accustomed auto asphyxia and ended up hanging himself? The silence of the media is taken as proof amongst the common folk. Until then (or until some fat prostitute comes forward with the truth about hogging) we will never know the truth, only what we are told to believe by our progressive, ivory tower, and white guilt slurping betters.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

3 Responses to “Remembering Aaron Swartz”

  1. ikthis Says:

    His obit mentions a partner called Taren Stinebrickner-Kauffman.


    Is this a media typo, a ghetto name, er what?

    The plot thickens.

  2. The Mayor Says:

    Swartz? You mean that lying, thieving tax evader?

    Wut a hero!

  3. Andy (with white letters) Says:

    His “Partner” was a dude who wishes he was a girl. There’s a youtube video of it lisping through a presentation about something or other:

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