Rituals of Set, the Snake God

When you attend ‘religious services’ do people sit in the back, avoid sitting in the front? Are you not tired of lack of commitment to the Diety of Your Choice? Perhaps it is time you embraced the falsest of religions, that is, the cult of Set, the Snake God. When you attend a ritual with the worshipers of the Emerald Eyed One, you will want to be in the front, to watch, to sing, to eat.

One worshiper of Set, the Snake God. got a nasty bruise when he was clobbered in the eye by a breast. Being in the front is not without hazard for a truly false religion that caters to human desires, not the transitory urges of the spiritual. If you can handle having mother’s milk on your face, the smell of censers of hashish, the moans of the slaking of lusts, and the merry tinkle of gold bullion, you will find the rituals of Set, the Snake God. to your liking.

Orgies are fun. They sure are. At the last orgy you attended, were you satisfied that your financial future was being improved even as you satisfied your lusts? When you squirm in the dance of the Reptiles, under the approving eyes of Set, the Snake God you are pleasing both yourself and the Supreme Librarian of the Universe. What other false religion promises wealth from sex? Do not be fooled: the competition charges you money for sex! Instead, it should be free, encouraged, decadent, and depraved. Set, the Snake God can pay his own bills, and does not need your money. Bring yourself down to a temple of the Emerald Eyed One and taste the pleasures of the flesh. You will be rewarded in ways you cannot imagine.

What enemies do you have that stand in the way of your complete happiness? Who dares hog the plate of appetizers at the banquet of life? Set, the Snake God promises torment and suffering for your personal enemies: those that offend you, those that oppose your rise in station, and those that provide poor service. It is time for you to speak up for your just portion in the restaurant of life. Feed me, feed me now. As you are fed, so too is the unquenchable hunger of Set, the Snake God fed. At the rituals of Set, the Snake God you will see your personal enemies fed to alligators, dropped down elevator shafts, and chased by bears, wolves, and other assorted carnivores. You will smile as the alligator smiles.

What is this going to cost me, Fenris? Good question. What is the quid pro quo that Set, the Snake God is asking? What is the secret combination? Simple: you help Set, the Snake God and Set, the Snake God will help you. Someone is going to fall down an elevator shaft this week; it might as well be someone whose demise will be of benefit to you. If you do things that please Set, the Snake God so too will Set, the Snake God arrange things that please you. You pass the plates of food around at the big family dinner, you pass the salt, gravy, and dressing. Show good banquet etiquette, and Set, the Snake God will smile upon you.

Set, the Snake God is hungry. Set, the Snake God is hungry right now. Can you write down the name of a single person who is worthy of the mystical process of digestion? Take this name on a slip of paper, put it in an envelope with some aromatic spices: thyme, oregano, rosemary, and sage. Burn the envelope on your bar-b-que. This will be your first offering to Set, the Snake God. You will be pleasantly rewarded. And when you are rewarded, you will be hungry for more offerings to offer to Set, the Snake God; and Set, the Snake God will reward you with wealth, power, and the means to indulge in your sensual desires. You will wallow in the mud of sensuality as a happy alligator in the summer swamps of Elysium.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

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