Ladies – Prepare To Throw Up & Defend Yourself

The above list is courtesy of THE University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, which banned concealed carrying of guns on college campuses this week, but instead came up with a bunch of very helpful tips for stopping attackers and rapists, including – peeing and vomiting when confronted by a maniac.

The Mayor also suggests pooing oneself and speaking in tongues.

It seems the U of C came up with this list because they didn’t want to be outdone by Democratic State Rep. Joe Salazar, who said on the floor of the legislature earlier this week that “women should not carry firearms for protection against potential attacks because they could accidentally shoot someone.”

Maybe women are stupid. Is that it?

“It’s why we have call boxes, it’s why we have safe zones, it’s why we have the whistles. Because you just don’t know who you’re gonna be shooting at,” Salazar said. “And you don’t know if you feel like you’re going to be raped, or if you feel like someone’s been following you around or if you feel like you’re in trouble when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop … pop a round at somebody.”

At least now the women of THE U of C can sleep well at night knowing that as they are being raped, there will a call box or a safe zone within 2000 yards of them. What a relief. Sure, Salazar is protected by armed security, and the chances of him getting raped are relatively slim (eye roll), but when it comes to protecting the women of THE U of C, a whistle should do the trick nicely.

Remember folks – the government is doing what is best for you, just lay down, close your eyes, and accept it.

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