Giant Hornets Are Taking Over The World And Killing Everyone In Their Path

42 dead in China, 1700 injured, this bastard hornet is going to kill every last human being on earth:

In person, the Asian giant hornet, which is the largest hornet species in the world, looks like “the wasp analog of a pit bull” with “a face that looks like you just can’t reason with it,” said Christopher K. Starr, professor of entomology at University of West Indies in Trinidad & Tobago.

And they’re big. The giant hornet extends about 3.5 to 3.9 centimeters in length (1.4 to 1.5 inches), roughly the size of a human thumb, and it has black tooth used for burrowing, according to an animal database at the University of Michigan. The queens are even bigger, with bodies that can grow longer than 5 centimeters (2 inches).

The species feed their young the larvae of other insects and use their mandibles to sever the limbs and heads of their prey.

The giant hornets are attracted to human sweat, alcohol and sweet flavors and smells. They are especially sensitive to when animals or people run, according to Xinhua.

If these beasts are attracted to sweat and booze stank, it’s just a matter of time before they kill The Mayor. There’s a good chance they are on their way to Mitchieville as The Mayor types this. They are attracted to booze stank and sweat, and probably also attracted to guys that like to piss outdoors. That’s the trifecta of death as far as The Mayor is concerned.

The Mayor is deathly afraid of bees and hornets, but strangely enough, he had a girlfriend in high school who had the name Anna Falactic. Crazy, eh? Even stranger than that, she use to refer to her vagina as her *honey pot*. Nothing could be further from the truth though, it was more like a hornets nest.

Reading further into the article, The Mayor sees that the chances of these bad bastards crossing the oceans and landing in North America are somewhere between slim and absolutely not. While that’s a good thing obviously, the bad thing is The Mayor knows now that he will never be able to buy his dream house in Xi’ning.

3 Responses to “Giant Hornets Are Taking Over The World And Killing Everyone In Their Path”

  1. Fenris Badwulf Says:

    These wee beasties are not so bad. A good argument could be made that they are merely recovering their rightful place in the Global Diversity Eco-sphere. They suffered at the hands of evil straight white men, doing all that cooking fires and making iron tools stuff. We should celebrate the Asian Hornet. We should encourage their reintroduction to their aboriginal habitat … which is Toronto. It does not take much of your money to fund an Asian Hornet colony. A few dollars for hamburger, a cardboard box, a safe place for their nest.

    If you want to stop Global Warming, send me your money to fund Asian Hornet habitat in Toronto. Let us recover the planet. Let me spend your money and you will feel good and less white guilty.

    Send me your money.

  2. Steamboat McGoo Says:

    I plan on celebrating the arrival of the Asian Hornet by swatting my tribes’ ceremonial flyswatter in their general direction, and occasionally inspecting the internal organs and other organic detritus left on said relic after a successful swat. Because I care.

    BTW: is that a quarter-wave monopole wi-fi antenna mounted on the hornets back in the picture? Cool.I had no idea hornets were on-line.

  3. The Mayor Says:

    The hornet may be a drone.

Leave a Reply

Protected by WP Anti Spam