Horoscope for the week

Your week begins with a double dose of alchemical water. This particular blend favors new projects and the completion of old ones. The transitions might be emotionally traumatic. But there are lessons to be learnt. And if you know your Nietzsche, you will know that if you pass through the fire, you will have been forged into a better, stronger alloy. But that is just for everyone. What about your personal astrological forecast?

Aries: Oh no, your shoes and socks have fallen into chaos. Impose order upon your collection and perform maintenance. There is work to be done and you need to discover and define a vision for your year of triumph in this regard. March!

Taurus: You are opposed by the mob. Perhaps it would be best to be silent and wait for the current cabal of bandits and slippery fellows to make a mistake. They will blunder and be fed to the wolves. From their possessions, select what you fancy. Take the spoils of war, Taurus.

Gemini: Something that should work, isn’t. You can waste your precious time and resources on chasing this down, or you can just let it sink into the stinking swamp. You are best advised to watch those around the crisis. You will gain insights into their secret agenda.

Cancer: This is a very pleasant week, filled with, well, gluttony and sexual excess for you, Cancer. You will have a prophetic dream that will guide you for the next year. Some buildings that you are familiar with will not be standing this time next year. Best to plan to raid their ornamental shrubs at a convenient time.

Leo: You will have a great idea about a creative project you have been toying with. Pay attention to the whispers of your subconscious. You would be wise to keep a notebook by your bed to take notes. Keep your plans honorable and discrete.

Virgo: The forces of justice have their one eyed attention on you this week, Virgo. You will have to make three decisions this week, one small and trifling, one of moderate importance, and one you will carry with you the rest of your life. One of these will be on Wednesday, another on Saturday. As for the other of the three, you will know when it happens.

Libra: Only the blood of your enemies will quench your thirst. Why do these people thwart your plans? The swine! Regardless, your patron, the Goddess of War, has plans for you. Sensible footwear is a must this week. Find some, but with an eye to fashion.

A notorious person crosses your path this week, Scorpio. Have your eyes seen the Glory of the Coming of the Lord? Learn from the whispered revelations of those beaten down by fate.

Sagittarius: Seek out a place of inner peace. A refuge from the noise and chatter of this age of chaos. There is peril from road rage on your way to and from work this week. People just do not drive like North Americans any more.

Capricorn: It would be nice to plan for the future, but then again you seem to be living in Atlantis before the cataclysm. This foreboding is just some memories from a past life. The particular continent you live on will not sink. It will, however, have some other excitement that will be very similar to … the sinking of Atlantis. At least this time you have some warning.

Aquarius: You will gain insight into a new source of resources. Pay attention to your surroundings. Something you thought was right really is not.

Pisces: Space aliens are walking through your local supermarket and nobody seems much to notice. Look up from the vegetables and there they will be. Nobody will believe you when you tell them about the shape shifters. Have sex at least once on Saturday.

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