A Sustainable Shooting Victim Memorial for Mitchieville

Mitchieville is cast into mourning for the tragic and senseless bad thing that happened recently. This horrible, one time only, never to happen again, really caused by the white right wing racist rapist meanies who oppose the progressive, diverse, and caring regime of Mitchieville, is to be celebrated in a sustainable shooting victim memorial. You can breathe a sigh of relief. Things that do not make sense have a comforting one size fits diversity sensible solution right from an identity politics play book. Putting a plastic bag over your head for safe sex never felt better!

The sustainable shooting victim memorial is designed to be a safe space for white guilt slurpers who wish to feel that other people who have privilege skills (in intelligence, ability, or other white people traits) have been forced to listen to and act like they are parents who let their children scream in public shopping venues. Here, in the safe space there is a digital big screen with the names and memorial videos scrolling by twenty-four seven. The earth destroying electricity comes from a plug in the wall with a green cover plate, so you can be subliminally put at rest that this is somehow a good thing, and your inquiries can end there. All the other building materials for the sustainable shooting victim memorial have green colors on their sales brochures, and the press kit has green, bold text in a font that screams Jordan Peterson’s disapproval. These are adult arguments and convincing in an inter sectional unicorn fairy dust rainbow multi-pronoun universe of rich, creamy goodness discovered by fifties era marketers struggling with the cream corn account.

Victims’ victim status is almost as high on the victim scale as a poor dindu nuffin who has been castrated by a corporate coffee shop worker over an unpaid tab. You can see them victims scroll by on the big screen. Once happy, now dead, and even better, whitewashed of progressive sin! No more will they be told f’ck you whitey, or f’ck you cisgendered, or f’ck you for reading in the library. Nope, their white privilege is washed away in their dying blood. There is hope! The big display can handle up to 1,024 biographies, and even more if you use a timely Last In, First Out algorithm. The latest last shooting is always the most recent in Mitchieville. You will never get minstrel show jitters if you mix up one of the other never happening Islamic terrorist mass killings with the latest. That is the intersection of diversity and sustainability!

To cater to the needs of those stopping by to mourn, to question, there are answers! Flea market kiosks are there to sell flowers, plushie toys, candles, and thoughtful cards. You can even make political donations. Nothing like setting up monthly billing on your credit card to fund the good work of anti-Fa, Hillary, or Justin. The telemarketer will assure you that is what is going to happen. Your income tax receipt will be mailed to your promptly at tax time. We care.

You can have it all in Mitchieville. It is a safe space. And a caring place. Bring me your money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

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