Horoscope for the week of August 19, 2018

Aries: Wednesday, you are drawn into an episode by people that do not know what they are doing. Friday, there is an explosive crowd scene. You are in danger of being bitten by an old man.

Taurus: You will be told something disagreeable by someone who just wants to savor your distaste. Mark this person down on your shit list.

Gemini: Your week begins with a recharged you. Everything works! Your special skills will draw attention. Monday, your superior driving skills will be challenged by a transport truck loaded with large animals.

Cancer: Dip into your cache of comfort food for solace on Wednesday and Thursday. Just before midnight on Wednesday, an opposing army will be obliterated using your suggested tactics.

Leo: A last minute birthday present arrives. Late Thursday, you will be in danger if you go into a back alley.

Virgo: A secret admirer will reveal themselves on Friday. Some questions will be resolved at that time.

Libra: You will have a week of barbarian pleasures. Cast aside your nominal veneer of civilization. At least once this week, run naked through the trees.

Scorpio: You can win the lottery this week, but you have so many reasons not to. This inner struggle will push you towards taking up smoking again.

Sagittarius: The plot thickens at work. Your independent research points towards a conspiracy. You will learn more on Monday, and they will make their first move on Wednesday.

Capricorn: Someone in your dungeon will finally spill their guts. This is a tribute to your foresight and good trade craft.

Aquarius: Somehow, your resistance just makes the opposition stronger. This is the spiritual moment in your quest when you throw yourself into the abyss and are saved by angelic forces.

Pisces: You will win the lottery with a ticket you buy on Monday. Maybe buy three, you will feel better until you get the results.

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